


The blond boys

by DBWrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 10 chapters in and now i put that tag lol, Alternate Universe - College/University, BLOND BOYS ARE NOT CHAOTIC JUST WEIRD, Blame Atsumu, Breaking the Fourth Wall, But that was a few days ago, Cat scratch, Chatting & Messaging, Cpr but nobody gets it, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Demons will be summoned soon, Dinosaur Train - Freeform, Dog eyebrows, Dont look behind you, Flirting, Give Teru some love, Hospitals, I will Subtly hint them sometimes but the main plot is just the blond boys doing random shit, Initiation, Jealousy, Kogane hates the Lorax, Meat Baby, Meat baby is a bad bitch, Memes, Mentions of McDonalds, Mentions of mlp, Miscommunication, Miso the Cat, Mr. Yagami is a bitch, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phineas and Ferb refrences, Pick-Up Lines, Pictures, Pinkie pie is queen, Pizza, Pretty Setter Squad, Puthy talk even tho the have none, Relationships are a backround thing not the main plot, Rotten Eggs, Sangwoo is mentioned but that wasnt needed so blame the author, Scary Games, Singing, Sleepovers, Swearing, Tags Contain Spoilers, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Toilet paper but its not used in the right way, Tping a house, Tsukki hates meat baby, Tsukki watches dinosaur train, Valentine's Day, We stan pink hair, Writing The Alphabet Backwards, bc I said so, blame teru and kogane, but at the same time, but ima still tag them, but its not scary or sad, but not rlly, but read it here bc it looks better, chatfic, concentrate, cringy wattpad ten fiction is the only reason i am alive, hit and run, i mean no shit, i still love wattpad tho my g, idk why, kogane has abs but the readers arent allowed to see, mentions of light yagami - Freeform, not really happy either, noya wants to be a blond boy but he cant, rarepairs are only here to start drama, ships wont come until later, so sorry on my part, spray-painting, that should be a tag, these tags are hella confusing, this is just gonna be weird, willy names, you will see soon ;)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 15,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29043963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DBWrites/pseuds/DBWrites
Summary: ah shit, here we go again.
Relationships: Daishou Suguru/Terushima Yuuji, Goshiki Tsutomu/Koganegawa Kanji, Kozume Kenma & Terushima Yuuji & Miya Atsumu & Kyoutani Kentarou & Tsukishima Kei, Kozume Kenma & Terushima Yuuji & Miya Atsumu & Kyoutani Kentarou & Tsukishima Kei & Koganegawa Kanji, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Slight Kozume Kenma/Miya Atsumu, Slight Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 109
Kudos: 168
Collections: Chatfics I simp for





	1. Dog eyebrows? Diebrowys? DYE BROWS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meh first chatfic.

_Terushima Yuuji created a group chat._

_Terushima yuuji added Miya Atsumu, Kozume Kenma, and Tsukshima Kei._

Group chat

_1:03 pm_

Miya Atsumu: omg wait you actually made it

Terushima Yuuji: lmao i said i would

Tsukishima Kei: wtf is this

Kozume Kenma: i dont want to be apart of this

_Kozume Kenma left the chat_

_Terushima Yuuji added Kozume Kenma to the chat._

Kozume Kenma: bruh whyy

Terushima Yuuji: stay

Tsukishima Kei: like i said before, wtf is this

Kozume Kenma: hell

Terushima Yuuji: let ME explain since it was MY idea

Miya Atsumu: bitch tf

Miya Atsumu: it was my idea

Terushima Yuuji: i'm the one who made the gc 

Miya Atsumu: cuz u stole my idea

Tsukishima Kei: omfg

Kozume Kenma: just explain why you made this ffs

Terushima Yuuji: N eways, we all have one thing in common

Tsukishima Kei:,,,

Miya Atsumu:,,,

Kozume Kenma:,,,

_1:23 pm_

Miya Atsumu: this bitch—

Tsukishima Kei: it's been 20 fucking minutes, are you gonna say what we have in common???

Terushima Yuuji: oh srry, i went to go eat. i was kinda hungry yk

Terushima Yuuji: the thing we all have n common is ,,,

Terushima Yuuji: WE ALL HAVE BLOND HAIR !!!

Kozume Kenma: *sigh*

Tsukishima Kei: this is dumb

Miya Atsumu: this was a great idea

Tsukishima Kei: its not

Terushima Yuuji: yes it is

Kozume Kenma: it really isn't

_Kozume Kenma left the chat._

_Miya Atsumu added Kenma Kozume to the chat._

Miya Atsumu: sit

Terushima Yuuji: stay

Kozume Kenma: do i like like a dog to you?

Miya Atsumu: no a cat

Terushima Yuuji: a smol kitten

Kozume Kenma: smh

Tsukishima Kei: speaking of dogs

Tsukishima Kei added Kyotani Kentaro to the chat.

Miya Atsumu: oh it's mad dog-chan

Kozume Kenma: huh

Terushima Yuuji: oh the one who acts like a dog?

Tsukishima Kei: yup

Kozume Kenma: ???

Kyotani Kentaro: WOOF WOOF BARK GRRR

Kozume Kenma: what the actual fuck

Terushima Yuuji: wait is he an actual dog

Tsukishima Kei: no

Miya Atsumu: no

Kyotani Kentaro: NO

_[Press X to doubt]_

Terushima Yuuji: X

Kozume Kenma: X

Kyotani Kentaro: HEY

Tsukishima Kei: he isnt a dog

Kenma Kozume: ,,,

Miya Atsumu: he has no eyebrows

Terushima Yuuji: .WAGARVAEVBEBI 

Kozume Kenma: (ugly keyboard smash)

Kyotani Kentaro: do dogs have eyebrows?

Miya Atsumu: no

Terushima Yuuji: yes

Kozume Kenma: idk

Terushima Yuuji: i mean they have fur everywhere, including around their eyes 

Kozume Kenma: since they have fur on their eyebrows, it would connect to the fur on its head

Tsukishima Kei: wait no—

Miya Atsumu: since their is fur on its head, their whole body is made of fur and it would connect to its legs

Tsukishima Kei: guys—

Kyotani Kentaro: since the legs are connected to the body the fur would connect to its tail.

Tsukishima Kei: smh—

Miya Atsumu: the dog has fur everywhere 

Kozume Kenma: so in conclusion

Terushima Yuuji: Tsukki would you like to finish?

Tsukishima Kei: ,,,

Tsukishima Kei: dogs are eyebrows.

Terushima Yuuji: so what did we learn today?

Kyotani Kentaro: im not a dog, because dogs are eyebrows and i dont have eyebrows.

Kozume Kenma: kyouken isn't a dog, because dogs are eyebrows and he doesnt have eyebrows.

Miya Atsumu: kyouken isn't a dog, because dogs are eyebrows and he doesnt have eyebrows.

Tsukishima Kei: kyouken isn't a dog, because dogs are eyebrows and he doesnt have eyebrows.

4:52 pm

Miya Atsumu: wait dog eyebrows?

Terushima Yuuji: dieyebrows

Kyotani Kentaro: Dye-brows

Kozume Kenma: :0

Miya Atsumu: OMG WE SHOULD ALL—

Kyotani Kentaro: no

Kozume Kenma: no

Tsukishima Kei: no

Terushima Yuuji: yes

Terushima Yuuji: i mean no

Miya Atsumu: heart 💔 been broke 📉 so many times ⏰ i don’t know 🤔 what to believe 💯 mama 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 said 🗣 it’s my fault 😢 it’s my fault 🤦🏻‍♂️i wear my heart ❤️ on my sleeve 💪

Miya Atsumu: teru give me admin

Terushima Yuuji: k gimmie a sec.

Miya Atsumu: noice

_Miya Atsumu changed Miya Atsumu to Tsumu._

_Tsumu changed Terushima Yuuji to Teru._

_Tsumu changed Tsukishima Kei to Tsukki._

_Tsumu changed Kozume Kenma to kitten._

_Tsumu changed Kyotani Kentaro to kyouken._

kitten: why does everybody else have their names but not me

Teru: bc ur a cat

Tsumu: a smol kitten

kyouken: i have an essay to write bye losers

_kyouken went offline_

_Tsukki went offline._

Tsumu: wow not even a bye?

Teru: ikr, the world we live in

kitten: lmao

_kitten went offline._

_Tsumu went offline._

Teru: this is gong to be a crazy year

_Teru went offline._

* * *

ahem: https://twitter.com/BeanssD


	2. GoGOgO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> netflixou, and jealcbjbhcbdwkousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cant post tmrw cuz its my cousin's b-day. so this is for u.
> 
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeanssD

Group chat

_12:42am_

Tsumu: o i just realised

Tsumu: kyouken do you know why ur here?

Tsukki: its almost 1 am, people are trying to sleep

kyouken: yes ik what its about

Teru: :0

Tsumu: how??

kyouken: there is something called backreading

Tsumu: o

Teru: o

Teru: @kitten

Teru: @kitten

Tsukki: what if hes sleeping

Teru: he isnt

kyouken: o well

kyouken: @kitten

Tsumu: @kitten

_[A few minutes lateur]_

Tsumu: @kitten @kitten @kitten @kitten

kyouken: @kitten

Teru: @kitten @kitten

kyouken: @kitten

kyouken: @kitten @kitten

Teru: @kitten @kitten @kitten @kitten

_kitten is online._

kitten: OMFG 

kitten: WHY TF ARE YOU CALLING ME AT 1 AM

kitten: IM BUSY BITCHOID

kyouken: what if it was important

Tsumu: ye, what if we were dying

kitten: then call the cops

Teru: but what if we want you to save us 🥺👉👈

kitten: ,,,

kitten: hurry and tell me what do you want

Tsumu: ur no funnnnnn 😫😭

kyouken: what were you doing

kitten: stuff,,,

Teru: ,,,sure

Tsumu: n eways, i have realised another thing

kyouken: ?

kitten: ?

Teru: wot

Tsumu: @Tsukki

_Tsukki is online._

Tsukki: its 1 am

kitten: yet u answerd

Tsukki: stfu

kitten: someone woke up from the wrong side of the bed :)

Tsukki: keep talking and maybe you won't wake up :)

kitten: all bark and no bite, yikes

kyouken: WOOF WOOF BARK

Teru: chaotic at 1 am

Teru: amazing, lets keep this up everyday

Tsukki: no

kitten: no

kyouken: no

Tsumu: OCOSBCIB;FVBDFJ

Tsumu: LET ME SPEAK

Tsumu: k good,

Tsumu: so I realised that Tsukki is the only blond

Tsumu: the rest of us are faux-blond

Teru:,,,

Teru: You've realised this just now?

kyouken: oof

Tsukki: and i thought kenma was dumb

kitten: its on sight hoe

Tsumu: N E WAYS

Tsumu: we should change the group chat name

kyouken: to what?

Tsumu: idk, brain storm somthing

kyouken: the blond pack

kitten: you give me alpha male vibes, idk why

kyouken: what

Teru: pee pee hair cult

Tsukki: now ur just calling out atsumu

Tsumu: RUDE !

Tsukki: Tsukki and the Faux-Blonds

Teru: OMG U KNOW WHAT THAT SOUNDS LIKE

kyouken: Julie and the Phantoms

kitten: i never knew you watched that kyou

kyouken: yahaba forced me to watch it w/ him

kitten: oo

Tsukki: what's that?

Tsumu: its about a girl, who sings with dead people.

Teru: AHEM, NO

kitten: "Julie lost her passion for music when she lost her mom. But when three ghostly guys appear and lift her spirits, they decide to start a band together!" acording to netflix

Teru: tyvm kitten

Tsumu: wait they sing

kitten: omg wait

Tsumu: GO GO GO

kitten: VIVE A TU MANERA

kyouken: wtaf

Tsukki: they rlly said: next language

kitten: blame Oikawa

Tsumu: he invited the pss to his house to watch Go! Live your way.

Teru: and I wasnt invited?

Tsumu: are you pretty?

kitten: are you a setter?

Teru: yes and no

kitten: understandable

Tsukki: so why do you guys have to sing?

Tsumu: it just happens

Tsumu: who ever starts it has to finish it

kitten: its true

kyouken: i dont belive it

Teru: everybody go on main.

* * *

* * *

* * *

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

Kyouken: it wont work

Tsumu: it will

Tsukki: just hurry up and do it

Tanaka: 👀👀

Noya: 👀👀

Daichi: It's. 2. in. the. morning

Kenma: who gonna go first

Tsumu: i will

Teru: if it happens you guys can choose th gc name

Oikawa: A GROUPCHAT WITH OUT ME????

Iwa-chan: shut up shittykawa

Kenma: that's the shitiest prize ever

Tsukki: if it doesn't work, shave your dogs off (pls take care of ur pets <3)

Suga: UHM WHAT

Bokuto: NOOO DON'T SHAVE DOGS

Akaashi: Bokuto-san I don't think they're actually going to shave dogs

Tsumu: ugh fine

Kenma: if they dont come in clutch, we gon fight

Tsumu: fr

Kuroo: uh kitten?

Teru: WOOOO, WHOS READY FOR CHAOS

...

Teru: @everyone come here NEOW

_Everyone is online._

Daichi: people. are. trying. to. sleep

Mattsun: oh?

Makki: eh?

Ushiwaka: It is very late Terushima.

Hinata: Hi!!!

Kageyama: boke! go sleep.

Kyouken: do it

Tsukki: do it

Teru: do it

Kenma: start it 'tsumu

Yahaba: ,,,

Yamaguchi:,,,

Kuroo: ,,,

Sauksa:,,,

Tendou:,,,

Kunimi: ,,, 

Ennoshita: ,,,

_[Everyone except the blond squad typed ,,,]_

Kenma: what

Tsumu:huh

Tsukki: what

Kyouken: what

Teru: what

Tsukki: u fucked it up

Kyouken: smh

Kenma: cant ever get shit right

Teru: fr

Tsumu: IM SORRY 😔😭😢😉

Tanaka: when did you 5 become friends

Noya: this is the wierdest friend group i've ever seen

Kyouken: blame teru

Teru: thank*

Oikawa: what is this group chat that i am not in called?

Tsumu: me and kitten have to come up with a name

Kuroo: Excuse you?

Sakusa: What.

Tsumu: Kenma* darn auto correct

Kenma: 🤭

Sakusa: ,,,

Mattsun: wouldn't you have to continuously use

Makki: "kitten" for it to auto correct

Kuroo: ,,,

Sakusa: Why are you calling him kitten Tsumu

Tendou: Do i smell

Tendou: Jealousy?

Teru: WE TALK ABOUT THIS NEXT TIME.

Tsukki: hurry up i want to see ur dogs shaved

Kyouken: lol

Hinata: what?

* * *

**[the song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JTAhtS3MlU) **

Tsumu: GO! GO! GO!

Kenma: VIVE A TU MANERA

Suna: wtaf

Oikawa: GO! GO! GO!

Akaashi:VAMOS A IR POR MAAASSS

Kita: Not you too Akaashi.

Shirabu: GO! GO! GO!

Semi: VIVE COMO QUIERAS

Kageyama: BUSCA HACER TUS SUENOS REALIDAD

Ushijima: Why is everyone singing in Spanish

Teru: HOLY SHIT

Suga: Y AHORA

Hinata: mom??

Mattsun: GO! GO! GO!

Makki: VIVE A TU MANERA

Kuroo: Bro

Bokuto: Bro

Asahi: What the hell

_[The music stops]_

Oikawa: :0

Tsumu: :0

Suga: :0

Kenma :0

Akaashi:0

Semi: :0

Shirabu: :0

Kageyama: :0

Mattsun: :0

Makki: :0

Daichi: GO TO BED 

4:02 am

Kenma: we won bitch

Tsumu: hell yeah

Daichi: BED NOW

_Everyone is offline._

ahem: https://twitter.com/BeanssD


	3. o shiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kenma gets yelled at, more jeolakdocndkn, and some atsuken. [aka our first arc]
> 
> backstory comes l8r.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since im a nice little gremlin (and i secretly love you all, but u dont know cuz its a secret) i decided to post today.
> 
> (also sending prayers to Sean and his dad <3)

Group chat

_7:29 am_

Tsumu: we won bitches

kitten: and thats on

Teru: PERIODT.

kyouen: what are you going to name it

_Tsumu named the group chat 'GO! Blond Boys'._

Teru: ew

kyouken: no

Tsukki: change it

kitten: ugh fine

kitten: do the other one

_Tsumu named the group 'The blond boys'_

Tsumu: there, happy?

Teru: who thought of the first one

Tsumu: I did :)

kyouken: and the second?

kitten: i did

Tsukki: no wonder it's so basic

kitten: dont start shit you can't finish

Tsukki: what are you going to do hit me

kitten: yk what fuck you

Tsukki: omg im so scared

kitten: u better be

Tsumu: ,,,

Teru: I can feel the sexual tension

kyouken: please stop the sexual tension

kitten: first of all: kyou dont be a hypocrite

kyouken: wdym

Tsukki: ur horny for yahaba bitch

kitten: second of al: no

Tsukki: no

Tsumu: 'no' as in you dont want to fix the sexual tension???

kitten: no

Tsukki: no as in

kitten: there is no sexual tension

Teru: so why yall starting WWIII

kitten: he being an asshole for god knows what

Tsukki: you know what you did

kitten i didn't do anything

Tsukki: i would be acting like this if you didn't do something

kitten omfg

kyouken: take this to your PM's smh

kitten fine

_[The PM between Tsukki and kitten has now finished]_

Tsukki: im not doing this anymore

_Tsukki has left the groupchat._

kitten: dramatic much

Teru: ,,,

Tsumu: what happened?

kitten: idk and idc

_kitten is offline._

kyouken: wtf did they talk about

Teru: dont know

Tsumu: try to add him back

Teru: it wont let me

Tsumu: dw ill try to talk ken.

Teru: im going on main

* * *

* * *

* * *

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

Tendou:🎤sawarasenai🥰kimi😸wa⛓shoujo👻na💅no?✨böKù🌸Wâ🧚ÿARiçHiñ🤴BįCChī😾ńO😩oSû🚣Dà🎉YO💦

Ushiwaka: Satori, I do not understand.

Kuroo: *sigh*

Shirabu: we had to deal with this during high school

Oikawa: it's Ushiwaka, what do you expect.

Ushiwaka: I still think you should have come to—

Oikawa: no

Bokuto: ushy gushy my puthy💦

Kuroo: he wanna take him a looky👀

Tanaka: dramamama is coming

Noya: ?

Kiyoko: Aren't you guys supposed to be in class?

Tanaka: KIYOKO-SANN❤️ ♥️ 💗 💓 💕 💖 💛 💙 💜 💚

Noya: KIYOKO-SANN❤️ ♥️ 💗 💓 💕 💖 💛 💙 💜 💚

Teru: does anybody know where tsukki is?

Kuroo: oya? nicknames?

Bokuto: oya, oya?

Daichi: No, why, did something happen?

Kyouken: he and ken had a fight

Teru: ~~unresolved sexual tension~~

Yamaguchi: Umm

Kuroo: ?

Suga: What was the fight about?

Tsumu: we don't know

Teru: they didn't tell us

Semi: two assholes fighting, get me some popcorn

Mattsun: lol

Makki: lol

Yamaguchi: @Tsukki

Tsukki: what

Tsumu: join the gc

Tsukki: No.

Kyouken: why not

Tsukki: I dont want to be around that bitch

Kuroo: dont call him a bitch

Daichi: Kuroo, not right now,,,

Teru: join the gc

Tsukki: im not joining until he apologizes

Hinata: KENMA DID NOTHING WRONG

Akaashi: Hinata, we need to hear both sides of the story.

Hinata: IM NOT SIDING WITH STINGYSHIMA

Tsumu: why should he apologize??

Tsukki: he was being rude.

Kyouken: ,,,

Teru:,,,

Tsumu: ,,,

Kyouken: @Kenma

_Kenma is online._

Kenma: what

Suga: Kenma can you apologize to Tsukishima?

Kenma: No.

Daichi: why not?

Kenma: bc i didn't do anything

Tsukki: You hurt my feelings.

Kenma: I didn't.

Akaashi: Kenma, just apologize, hes your kouhai.

Kenma: hes not my kouhai, never was, never will be.

Kenma: and im not apologizing cuz i didn't do anything.

Oikawa: yikes

Kuroo: kitten maybe you should apologize...

Kenma: No.

Tsukki: why are you being so difficult

Kenma: im not

Ushiwaka: It would be best to apologize.

Kenma: I. DIDNT. DO. ANYTHING.

Tanaka: tsukki, what did he do

Noya: ye

Tsukki: he knows what he did

Kenma: tf? i dont

Hinata: KENMA ISNT MEAN TSUKKI IS JUST RUDE

Kenma: thanks shouyo.

Osamu: why dont you both apologize?

Tsukki: why should i apologize if i'm the one who's hurt.

Kenma: omfg, stop being a bitch and playing the victim.

Tendou: Ken-chan, you should be nicer to your kouhai's

Kindaichi: i mean how can he apologize, if he doesnt know what he did?

Teru: we told you guys to fix ur problems in PM

Kyouken: and then you guys came back and tsukishima left the gc

Yaku: what gc?

Tsumu: it's a gc for me, teru,kyou, ken, and tsukki

Bokuto: why???

Kyouken: bc we're all blond

Teru: it was a good idea at the time

Tsumu: but 2 of the 3 tsundere are fighting.

Lev: so kenma was being mean to tsukki?

Kenma: NO

Makki: i dont understand

Mattsun: the problem

Kageyama: Tsukki is sad bc Kenma was bullying him?

Kenma: I. AM. NOT. BULLYING,HIM

Kenma: EVEN IF I WAS

Kenma: THAT BITCH DESERVES IT

Tsukki: all i want is an apology

Kenma: sucks ur not getting one

Daichi: Kenma, apologize.

Kenma: N.O

Tsumu: why should he apologize, if he didn't do anything

Sakusa: Why are you siding with him??

Tsumu: bc hes my friend??

Sakusa: And what if Tsukishima is right

Oikawa: our Ken-chan isn't like that

Tsukki: Like I said before, all I want is an apology

Kenma: Like I said before, sucks ur not getting one

Suga: Kenma, apologize.

Kenma: no

Kuroo: Kenma just apologize to tsukki.

Kenma: why should—

Kuroo: Kenma apologize now.

Kenma:,,,

......

Kenma: fine

_PM between Tsukki & Kenma._

Kenma: if you think im apologizing you can go fuck yourself

Tsukki: thanks but no thanks

Kenma: i didn't even do shit to you

Tsukki: they don't know that

Tsukki: it was fun seeing people go against you

Kenma: tf do you want you sadistic fuck

Tsukki: im still mad about the other time.

Kenma: ,,,

Kenma: im not apologising for that.

Kenma: but sorry

Kenma: idk what you want me to apologize for 

Kenma: but there is your apology

Kenma: now fuck off

Tsukki: oh is the kitten mad?

* * *

* * *

* * *

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

Tsukki: He apologized.

Tsukki: Thank you, Kenma

Kenma: Dont call me that.

Bokuto: But you tell everybody to call you by your first name???

Tendou: See! That wasn't so hard

Daichi: Even if you guys fight, you can make up after

Kita: Please refrain from fighting in the future.

Hinata: Everybody is Happy now!!!

Hinata: Let's all go to the Cafe!!!

Kogane: Good idea Hinata!!!!

Hinata: Thanks Kogane!!!!

Tanaka: which one

Noya: ye

Oikawa: how about the one near Building D

Suga: sure

Kuroo: Kitten...?

Kenma: ,,,

Kenma: fuck off

_Kenma is offline._

Kuroo: ,,,

Semi: Why is he mad?

Tsumu: I mean wouldnt u be mad if you were accused of something you didn't do???

Sakusa: Why are you always siding with him

Tsumu: bc hes my friend

Sakusa: I mean you guys act a little to friendly, do you like him or something?

Tanaka: 🍵

Noya: 🍵'

Mattsun: 🍵

Makki: 🍵

Tsumu: i mean he is my friend, why wouldn't I like him?

Shirabu: this bitch is dense

Sakusa: ... Nevermind

Kuroo: should I talk to him

Teru: nah don't

Kyouken: tsumu is already going to his apartment

Kuroo: Why.

Tsumu: I was planning to go there from this morning.

Kuroo: You didn't answer my question.

Teru: ~~you didn't ask one tho~~

Kyouken: shh

Tsumu: sooo i could talk to him?

Kuroo: ,,,

Sakusa: ,,,

Kuroo: why—

Daichi: Anyway, everybody is going to the cafe except for Atsumu and Kenma

Suga: Yep

Daichi: Okay, Other than that.

Daichi: GET TO CLASS.

_Everyone is offline._

ahem: https://twitter.com/BeanssD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for making tsukki the bad guy. BUT they will make up.


	4. understood misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part 2 of the Tsukiken/atsuken/sakuatsu/kuroken arc/ 
> 
> [OMG THIS IS THE T.A.S.K. ARK]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BHFWINVI WHY ARE YALL SO NICE.💛🧡🤍💘💝💚💙💜💓💓. ANOTHER CHAPTER TO SHOW MY LOVE.
> 
> I was kinda bored in class so i wrote this during my third period.

The blond boys

_Teru added Tsukishima Kei._

_Teru changed Tsukishima Kei to Tsukki._

7:24 p.m

Tsukki: not this again

Teru: we need to talk

Tsukki: just us?

Teru: kyou is here but hes lurking

kyouken: 👀

Tsukki: where are the other two?

Kyouken: tsumu is going to ken's house

Teru: anyways, wtf was that

Tsukki: wdym

kyouken: *sigh*

Teru: why were you making kenma's life hard.

Tsukki: idk what u mean

Kyouken: why did u make ken apologize if he didn't do anything?

Tsukki: he was being mean

kyouken: ,,,

Teru: are you fucking serious

Tsukki: yes

kyouken: u sure bc thats not what he showed us

Tsukki: ???

Kyouken: attachment.jpg  (its the PM between tsukki and kenma)

Teru: what are you guys fighting about

Tsukki: ,,,

Tsukki: if i talk about it you guys can't tell anyone

kyouken: sure

Teru: k.

Tsukki: it happened a few months ago

Tsukki: we were just texting since we had nothing else to do

Tsukki: then he said something that offended me

Tsukki: he hasnt apologized since

kyouken: what did he say???

Tsukki: ,,,

Tsukki: he said he hates dinosaurs

Teru: ,,,

Teru: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

kyouken: lol

Teru: omfg

Teru: so ur mad at him bc he said that?

Tsukki: yes

kyouken: what did he say after that?

Tsukki: idk

Tsukki: i blocked him after

Teru: maybe you both should talk about what happened.

Tsukki: why?

kyouken: try hearing his side of the story

Tsukki: fine

Tsukki: but he probably doesnt want to talk to me

Teru: eh kenma is stubborn like that.

kyouken: just give him some time.

Tsukki: ,,,

Tsukki: thanks 

Teru: AWWW, US BLOND BOYS HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER

kyouken: ye sure

* * *

* * *

* * *

Table for two

8:05 p.m

nuggs💫: kenmaaaaaaa

nuggs💫: kenma

nuggs💫: kitten

nuggs💫: y arent u looking at my messages

nuggs💫: are u mad at the gc?

fries🧸: ,,,

fries🧸: i didnt even do anything

nuggs💫: dw ik

nuggs💫: but do you know why he did that?

fries🧸: eh

fries🧸: i mean a few months ago he blocked me

fries🧸: even tho i dunno what i did

fries🧸: once he unblocked me, he was just mean

nuggs💫: and you were mean back?

fries🧸: i mean, if someones being mean to me im obviosuly going to be mean back

nuggs💫: ,,,

nuggs💫:u petty fucker

fries🧸: lol

nuggs💫: n e ways, yall should probs talk abt it

nuggs💫: listen to his side of the story

fries🧸: ugh fine

fries🧸: also

fries🧸: DID U SEE HOW JEALOUS THEY WERE

nuggs💫: JSFIEBEDBJD LMAO YES

fries🧸: get ready to pay up bitch

nuggs💫: i think tf not u trick ass bitch

nuggs💫: im finna win

fries🧸: keep dreaming sir

nuggs💫: lol, u gonna be good?

fries🧸: 100%

nuggs💫: u sure u dont want me to come over?

fries🧸: nah, its fine

fries🧸: you were here 3 days ago, let me have a break

nuggs💫: lol

nuggs💫:just lmk if u need anything

fries🧸: same goes for u

nuggs💫: OMG DID KENMA JUST SHOW AFFECTION

fries🧸: ,,,

fries🧸: bye bitch

nuggs💫: ly <3

fries🧸: 🙄

fries🧸: ly2 <3

* * *

* * *

* * *

Tsumu and Omi

8:49 p.m.

Omi: Hey tsumu?

Tsumu: yes omi

Omi: Are you busy tomorrow??

Tsumu: nope. im free!

Tsumu: why?

Omi: Oh. I just wanted to hang out with you.

Omi: I also have to tell you something.

Tsumu: ofc!

Omi: See you at the cafe at 12.

Tsumu: ok omii🥰

* * *

* * *

* * *

Table for two

8:54 p.m

nuggs💫: YOOOO

nuggs💫: LOOK

nuggs💫: attachment.jpg

fries🧸: jvkvnkdnvkn

fries🧸: i dont want to owe u money

fries🧸: but

fries🧸: if u fuck this chance up

fries🧸: i will hit u with a chair

nuggs💫: LMAO

nuggs💫: dw ima confess

fries🧸: u better

fries🧸: now let me sleep

nuggs💫: 🧢

nuggs💫: evry1 knows u dont sleep

fries🧸: whatever

* * *

* * *

* * *

Tsukki & Kenma

11:11 p.m

Tsukki: Hey...

Tsukki: You're leaving me on read?

Tsukki: Thats fine

Tsukki: I just want to say sorry for the things I did

Kenma: Why did you do it?

Tsukki: Because you said something and it kinda hurt my feelings.

Kenma: I did?

Tsukki: You did.

Kenma: When?

Tsukki: Our last conversation before I blocked you.

Kenma: ???

Kenma: give me a moment.

Tsukki: sure

...

Kenma: What did I say?

Tsukki: That you hate dinosaurs.

Kenma: ,,,

Kenma: oh lol

Kenma: this is just a big misunderstanding

Tsukki: ???

Kenma: That time i was texting you,

Kenma: I was washing the dishes. I didnt want to get my phone wet so i was using the Speach-to-text.

Tsukki: ,,,

Kenma: I was trying to say I hate doing chores

Kenma: it somehow wrote 'I hate dinosaurs'

Tsukki: oh

Kenma: and then you blocked me before i could correct myself

Tsukki: ,,,

Tsukki: im sorry, this is my fault

Kenma: its fine. stuff happens.

Kenma: and i was also rude to you

Kenma: so im sorry 

Tsukki: now what

Kenma: lol idk

Kenma: are we friends orr...

Tsukki: yeah ig..

Kenma: ,,, k

Tsukki: this is kinda akward

Kenma: ye

Tsukki: later

Kenma: lol bye

* * *

* * *

* * *

The blond boys

12:26 a.m

Tsukki: asshole

kitten: bitch

Tsukki: motherfucker

kitten: hoe

Teru: why are you guys still fighting

kitten: we arent

Tsukki: we arent

kyouken: tf?

Tsumu: so why yall calling eachother names?

Tsukki: we are being passive agressive

kitten: ye

kyouken: i dont think th—

Tsumu: N E WAYS

Tsumu: GUESS WHO HAS A DATE \\(@^0^@)/\\(@^0^@)/\\(@^0^@)/

kyouken: congrats?

Tsukki: so cool 😐

Teru: WOOO

Teru: kitten, u not gonna cheer for the single pringle?

kitten: i gave him my words of encouragment

Tsumu: u said u were gonna hit me with a chair if i dont confess 🙄

kitten: that is how i encourage people

kyouken: i honestly thought there was something going on with you and ken

Tsukki: ikr

Tsumu: wdym

Teru: yall are so chummy

kitten: we had a bet/deal

Tsumu: we act like super duper close to make are crushes jealous

kitten: and whoever confesses first gets $100.

kyouken: did it work?

Tsumu: hell yeah

Tsukki: cool

_Tsukki went offline._

_kyouken went offline._

_Teru went offline._

_kitten went offline._

Tsumu: wow,,, ic ic

_Tsumu went offline._

ahem: https://twitter.com/BeanssD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kenma and tsumu's friendship is something i want.


	5. The Initiation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new recruit for chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The T.A.S.K arc is coming back next chapter. i just wanted to write a filler

The blond boys

9:00 a.m

Tsukki: we forgot to add someone

Tsumu: who?

kyouken: koganegawa

Teru: OH! The happy one

kitten: well if they're going to join the must go through

kyouken: **The Initiation.**

Teru: what's the initiation

kyouken: no 

kitten: **The Initiation.**

Tsumu: what is it

Tsukki: for kogane to join he must go through trials.

Tsukki: if he succeds, he will be officially apart of the blond boys.

Tsumu: but we didnt go through trials

kyouken: but he doesnt know that

kitten: so we must formally invite him 

Tsukki: and once we do

kyouken: he will go through

kyouken: **The Initiation.**

kitten: **The Initiation.**

Tsumu: **The Initiation.**

Tsukki: **The Initiation.**

Teru: **The Initiation.**

Teru: lets go to main

Tsumu: WE RIDE AT DAWN

* * *

* * *

* * *

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

9:17 a.m

Oikawa: why did the chicken cross the road

Kuroo: to get to the other side

Tanaka: HAHAHAHAHA

Noya:HAHAHAAHAH

Bokuto: i dont get it

Ushijima: It is an example of anti-humor, in that the curious setup of the joke leads the listener to expect a traditional punchline, but they are instead given a simple statement of fact. 

Tendou: thats my man 😍🥰🤪

Oikawa: it was an actual question

Oikawa: but go off

Semi: maybe he wanted to go see his family

Shirabu: y are you assuming the chicken's gender?

Hinata: thats not very nice semi-san 😟

Suga: maybe the chicken wanted food

Akaashi: who would cross the road for food?

Yahaba: i mean i would do anything for free food

Daichi: are all setters this dumb?

Suga: Daichi!

Sakusa: I mean not all of them are here right now

Lev: the blond boys arent here

Suna: the what?

Kageyama: idk

Yaku: its a gc full of blond people

Osamu: like who?

Aone: Terushima, Miya, Kyotani, Kozume, and Tsukishima.

Futakuchi: o shit, i forgot u were here

Ennoshita: thats a weird combination of people

Noya: how come im not in there?!?!?!

Kinnoshita: you arent blond tho

Narita: you only have a strip of blond hair

Noya: 🙁😟😞😢😭

Tanaka:😮

Kogane: HIII EVERYBODY q(≧▽≦q)

Goshiki: HIII KOGANE!!!

Hinata: HIII KOGANE :)

Kogane: HII GOSHIKI!!!! HI HINATA!

Suga: awww the children are playing

Teru: **Koganegawa.**

Kogane: THATS MEE （￣︶￣）↗

Teru: **I am Terushima Yuuji.**

Teru: **The creator of the blond boys.**

Tanaka:🙇‍♂️

Noya:🙇‍♂️

Mattsun:🙇‍♂️

Makki:🙇‍♂️

Oikawa:🙇‍♂️

Suga:🙇‍♂️

Shirabu:🙇‍♂️

Semi:🙇‍♂️

Yahaba:🙇‍♂️

Akaashi:🙇‍♂️

Kuroo:🙇‍♂️

Bokuto: 🙇‍♂️

Tsukki: **We have noticed you are also blond.**

Kogane: IM NOT ACTUALLY BLOND. I HAVE BROWN HAIR TOO.!!!!

Daichi: omfg

Suna: i thought u said that it was a group chat

Osamu: this looks like a whole ass cult

Kenma: **We accept faux-blonds. As long as you're blond.**

Noya: Can I join?!?!?!? IM BLOND

Kyouken: **You do not have enough blond.**

Noya:😭😭😭😭

Asahi: It's okay Noya, its probably for the best...

Tsumu: **Koganegawa.**

Tsumu: **We formally invite you to...**

Tsukki: **The blond boys.**

Kyouken: **The blond boys.**

Tsumu: **The blond boys.**

Kenma: **The blond boys.**

Teru: **The blond boys.**

Teru: **Do you accept the offer?**

Kogane: UHHHHH

Kogane: WHAT DO I DO (⊙﹏⊙)

Tanaka:👍

Noya:👍

Mattsun:👍

Makki:👍

Oikawa:👍

Suga:👍

Shirabu:👍

Semi:👍

Yahaba:👍

Akaashi:👍

Kuroo:👍

Bokuto: 👍

Hinata: 👍

Lev: 👍

Futakuchi:👍

Narita:👍

Daichi:👎

Kita:👎

Ushijima:👎

Tendou:👎

Iwa-chan:👎

Suna:👎

Osamu:👎

Sakusa:👎

Asahi:👎

Kageyama:👎

Yaku:👎

Aone:👎

Yamaguchi:👎

Ennoshita:👎

Kinnoshita:👎

Kindaichi: 👎

Kogane: UWAHH. ITS TIED!!! w(ﾟДﾟ)w

Kogane: GOSHIKI!!!!

Goshiki: idk!!

Teru: **The only vote that matters is Noya**

Tsumu: **Only his vote counts because he is 1/4 blond.**

Noya: WOO!!!

Kenma: **You still can't join though.**

Kyouken: **We only want your vote, not you.**

Noya: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😖😖😖😖

Asahi: It's okay noya.

Kogane: SOO AM I IN??

Tsukki: **Yes, but also No.**

Kogane: WHAAA???

Teru: **Now you must go through The Initiation.**

Kenma: **The Initiation.**

Tsukki: **The Initiation.**

Kyouken: **The Initiation.**

Tsumu: **The Initiation.**

Kogane: WHATS **The Initiation.**!?!?!?!?

Suga: Don't hurt the child.

Teru: **We can't make any promises.**

Kogane: WHAT HAPPENS IF I DONT MAKE IT!?!?!?!

Kyouken: **...**

Kyouken: **Consequences.**

Kogane: AAAA. I DONT WANT TO DIE.

Teru: **Silence, Top.**

Kyouken: **The first trial of the Initiation is...**

Kyouken: **The. Alphabet.**

Kyouken: **You must say the Alphabet. But BACKWARDS.**

Kyouken: **Not many can do it.**

Kyouken: **But most blond boys can.**

Mattsun: :0

Makki: :0

Lev: You can do it kogane!!!

Hinata: Yeah!

Kogane: I CAN!!

Kogane: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba

Goshiki: WOW! GOOD JOB KOGANE!!!

Kogane: THANK YOU GOSHIKI!!!

Daichi: he could have search—

_**The blond boys** muted Daichi._

Kenma: **Do not interrupt The Initiation.**

**...**

Kenma: **Thank you.**

Kyouken: **Kogane, we will now rate you on your performance.**

Kenma: **10/10**

Tsumu: **10/10**

Kyouken: **10/10**

Tsukki: **10/10**

Teru: **10/10**

Kogane: YAAAY!!!!

Teru: **The second trial of The Initiation is...**

Teru: **H.A.S**

Teru: **Aka. Head and stomach.**

Teru: **You must record yourself, patting your** **head and rubbing your stomach.**

Kogane: OKAYY!!!( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Kogane: video.mp4

Teru: **Kogane, we will now rate you on your performance.**

Kenma: **10/10**

Tsumu: **10/10**

Kyouken: **10/10**

Tsukki: **10/10**

Teru: **10/10**

Aone: You are doing very well Kogane.

Kogane: THANK YOU!!!

Tsukki: **The third trial of The Initiation is...**

Tsukki: **Telling us who your favorite person in this chat is.**

Tsukki: **We can tell if you are lying.**

Kogane: OH THAT'S EASY!!!

Kogane: ITS GOSHIKI!!!!

Goshiki: (❁´◡`❁)

Goshiki: YOU'RE MY FAVOURITE PERSON TOO!!

Kogane: WOW!!! (●ˇ∀ˇ●)

Oikawa: holy shit they're so wholesome.

Tsukki: **Kogane, we will now rate you on your answer.**

Kenma: **10/10**

Tsumu: **10/10**

Kyouken: **10/10**

Tsukki: **10/10**

Teru: **10/10**

Tsumu: **The last trial of The Initiation is...**

Tsumu: **Tell us which hair-color is the best and why.**

Tsumu: **Every blond knows this.**

Kuroo: this is pretty easy

Bokuto: u sure bro cuz I'm kinda stumped

Suna: its probably blond

Yahaba: wow i never knew 🙄

Suna: 😐😑😐

Kogane: The best hair color is pink hair. The only valid reason why is because one of the best characters in the world has that hair color. This character is named Pinkie Pie from the well-made show My Little Pony: Friendship is magic.

Osamu: i-

Hinata: KOGANE, YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID BLOND

Hinata: THEY ARE THE BLOND BOYS, IT ONLY MAKES SENSE.

Suga: omg

Shirabu: that question was pretty easy

Ushijima: Indeed, it makes the most sense if you had said blond hair. Hence the name "The blond boys".

Suga: Daichi said It was nice knowing you

Teru: **SILENCE**

**...**

Tsumu: **Kogane, we will now rate you on your answer.**

Kenma: **100/100**

Tsumu: **100/100**

Kyouken: **100/100**

Tsukki: **100/100**

Teru: **100/100**

Tsumu: **Koganegawa, from this answer alone, you have shown us that you know way more than the rest of these imbeciles.**

Kenma **: We will now tally up the ratings**

**...**

Teru: **Thank you all for coming to The Initiation.**

Teru: **Kenma will now tell us the final score.**

Kenma: **Koganegawa, your final score is...**

Kenma: **1/1**

Kenma: **Congratulations, You are officially a Blond Boy.**

Kogane: YAYAYAYAAYAYAY!!!!ヾ(≧▽≦*)o

Goshiki: GOOD JOB KOGANE!!!!

Kogane: THANK YOU GOSHIKI <3

Goshiki: (^///^)

Akaashi: oya?

Bokuto: oya oya?

Kuroo: oya oya oya?

Oikawa: AWWW HE GAVE HIM A HEART

Suna: question: are you guys a cult?

Tsumu: **answer: maybe**

_**The blond boys** unmuted Daichi._

Daichi: ow the hell did you guys get admin?

Kenma: **Author-Sensei**

Daichi: what?

Teru: **Say your last goodbyes.**

Kogane: BYEEE EVERYONE!!!

_[ Everyone said bye to Kogane]_

Futakuchi: dont forget to come back and tell us what dumb shit they do.

Kogane: OKAYYY!

* * *

* * *

* * *

The blond boys

_Teru added Koganegawa Kanji to the group chat._

_Teru changed Koganegawa Kanji to Kogane._

kitten: holy shit that was tiring

Tsukki: ikr

Teru: please tell me u arent as pure as u normally are in the main gc

Kogane: nah, dont worry.

Kogane: im chill

Tsumu: WOOOO

Kogane: what do you guys do here anyways??

kyouken: well we're going to summon some demons soon.

Tsumu: wait what

kitten: who the fuck said that???

Teru: it was mutually decide.

Tsumu: by who???

kyouken: 4/6 of us agreed.

kyouken: but we'll have to do it later

kyouken: after the task arc

kitten: (we cant keep breaking the fourth wall)

kyouken: ( we can rebuild it later)

kitten: (the corners are hard to reach tho)

kyouken: (dw ill get them)

Kogane: WOOO!!! demons are funn!ψ(｀∇´)ψ

Tsukki: pure my ass, this bitch is satan's disciples

Tsumu: lol

_kyouken went offline._

_Tsumu went offline._

_Tsukki went offline._

_kitten went offline._

_Teru went offline._

Kogane: what did i get my self into?!?!!?（⊙ｏ⊙）

_Kogane went offline._

ahem:https://twitter.com/BeanssD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CerealBars asked for Kogane. Now here he is!!!!!


	6. pick up lines, and willy names.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they talk about willy names

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last part of the T.A.S.K arc. The first part of this chapter talks about dick a little bit . If that makes you uncomfy then speedrun through it
> 
> ALSO SORRY FOR THE LATE CHAPTER :((

The blond boys

2:22 p.m.

Teru: i need a name

kyouken: for??

Teru: my willy

Kogane: who's willy

Teru: *sigh* 

Teru: my shlong

Kogane: huh

kyouken: richard and the twins

Teru: shit, thats a good one

kitten: wtf

Teru: even better

Teru: pleasure pump

kitten: istfg if u both are talking about dick names im going to kms

kyouken: o, lap rocket

kitten: @tsukki help

_Tsukki is online._

Tsukki: what

kitten: just look

Teru: cocktapus

kyouken: the dicktator

Tsukki: Moby Dick

kitten: we lost another one

Teru: nice one, tsukki

Kogane: tiny tim

kitten: NO

kitten: NO MORE

kitten: DO SOMETHING ELSE

Teru:,,,

Teru: fine

kyouken: You’re so hot, my zipper is falling for you.

Teru: I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?

Tsukki: Is your name winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.

Kogane: Are you a haunted house? I’m going to scream when I’m in you.

kitten: everyone is corrupt😪😫

Kogane: we know you want to join

Tsukki: dont be scared

kitten: i dont wanna end up like ya'll 🤢🤮

kyouken: no need to lie

Teru: we know you want to say one

kitten:... no

Tsukki: do it

kyouken: do it

Kogane: do it

Teru: do it

kitten: *sigh*

kitten: Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the 6. I’ll be the 9.

Teru: WOOO

_Tsumu is online._

Tsumu: GUESS WHO HAS A BOYFRIEND😙🥰🤩

Kogane: I lost my keys… Can I check your pants?

kyouken: If you’re feeling down, I can feel you up.

Tsumu: ,,,

Tsumu: ahem

Tsumu: let me just repeat myself

Tsumu: GUESS WHO HAS A BOYFRIEND😙🥰🤩

Teru: I was feeling very off today, but then you turned me on.

Tsukki: I’m an adventurer and I want to explore you.

Tsumu: ,,,

Tsumu: i tell ya'll i got a boyfriend

Tsumu: and you dont even care 😔😞😖😢😭

kitten: Are you an elevator? Because I’ll go up and down on you.

Tsumu: Ken-chan!!! not you too 😫

Tsukki: Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

Tsumu: ILL FIND PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARE😠😠😠

* * *

* * *

* * *

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

2:33 p.m.

Tsumu: GUESS WHO HAS A BOYFRIEND😙🥰🤩

Oikawa: WELCOME TO THE CLUB BITCH😋🤩🤪

Suga: Finally!!!

Shirabu: took y'all long enough

Semi: 🙄

Akaashi: Congrats, Atsumu

Osamu: Good luck, sakusa

Suna: lmao, you'll need it

Tsumu: HEY

Bokuto: WOOO ONE LESS LONELY MAN

Ushijima: Congratulations, Sakusa.

Sakusa: Thanks.

Tsumu: finally i have people who care 😪😭

Daichi: wdym?

Tsumu: those bitches ignored me

Yamaguchi: wha???

Kageyama: oh the blond boys

Tsumu: YES, THEY HAD THE AUDACITY TO IGNORE ME

Tendou: 😂🤣

Kuroo: what were they doing??

Tsumu: they were just talking about 'willy names' and sending eachother pick-up lines.

Futakuchi: wait, Kogane too?!?!!?

Tsumu: yup

Noya: WOW, I WANT TO BE IN THE BLOND SQUAD

Tanaka: ME TOO

Tsumu: No💖

Noya: 🙁😟😞😖😢😭😭😭

Tanaka: 🙁😟😞😖😢😭😭😭

Yahaba: n e ways, who confessed first?

Tsumu: wouldn't you like to know 😏

Kenma: 👀

Kyouken: 👀

Tsukki: 👀

Teru: 👀

Kogane: 👀

Kenma: we would like to know

Tsumu: what 😀 the😀actual😀 ʞɔnɟ😀

Teru: do tell

Sakusa: i mean its pretty obvious

Makki: is it? 🤔

Mattsun: 🤔

Akaashi: *sigh*

Sakusa: i confessed

Tsumu: 😊😊😊

Oikawa: how cute!

Kenma: ic ic

Kenma: i am very grateful sakusa, so thank you

Sakusa: you're welcome?

Tsumu: WAIT NO

Kenma: dw that money will be put to good use

Kyouken: we r buying an ouija board

Kogane: WOOOO ✪ ω ✪

Yamaguchi: i am very confused

Kuroo: hey kitten,,, can we talk?

Kenma: sure

* * *

* * *

* * *

Just the two of us

2:44 p.m.

Kuro: Hey...

Kitten: hi...

Kuro: this is kinda akward

Kitten: mhm

Kuro: so about the stiuation between you and tsukishima...

Kitten: its fine we already figured it out

Kuro: so why did you get mad?

Kitten: bc i was being accused of something I didnt do

Kuro: wdym

_[Kenma explains the situation bc im not talking about this shit again :) ]_

Kuro: I'm sorry kitten

Kitten: you don't have to apologize

Kuro: I shouldn't have forced you to apologize

Kitten: Kuro, its fine.

Kuro: Are you sure?

Kitten: Positive

Kuro: anyways, im proud of you for making friends

Kitten: friends is a little much...

Kuro: 🤨

Kitten: k fine... they're all nice and funny. ig i could call them friends

Kuro: MY KITTEN IS GROWING UP 😱😭😭😭

Kuro: But they better not replace me 😼

Kitten: Nobody could ever replace you.

Kuro: oya? 😏😏

Kitten: ykw nvm

Kuro: 😁😁😂🤣

Kitten: do you only speak in emoji's now?

Kuro: 🤷♂️

Kitten: Anyway, doyouwanttocomeovernextweekend?

Kuro: ...

Kitten: I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to—

Kuro: OF COURSE!!

Kitten: .

Kuro: I mean yes.

Kuro: 😊😊

Kitten: k see ya next week

Kuro: later kitten 😽

Kitten: stop with the ugly cat emoji's

Kuro: NEVERRRRR

ahem: @BeanssD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao when i said kuroken, i didnt mean they would get together in this arc. 🤭🤭🤭


	7. cat scratch. oh wait its just Miso.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first part of our spooky arc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me searching for excuses for why this chapter is late cuz i dont want to say that i was procrastinating: 😬
> 
> also: ty to the kind soul who added this book to their collections <3.

The blond boys

4:20 p.m.

Teru: so whats the addy?

kitten: for???

Teru: for our demon summoning obvi 🙄

Tsumu: _[For personal reasons, we cant show the address]_

kyouken: o im close by

Tsukki: i might be late

Kogane: WOOO CAN WAIT ψ(｀∇´)ψ ψ(｀∇´)ψ

kitten: URERJKVLD

kitten: WTF THATS MY ADDRESS

kitten: WHY MY APARTMENT

Tsumu: u live alone so its fine

kitten: exactly why it shouldnt be in my apartment

Teru: since u live alone, we wont be bothering n e body

kitten: thats the problem

kyouken: ?

kitten: i live alone so if i die by a demon, nobody will know

Tsukki: i honestly dont see the problem.

kitten: wow

Kogane: dont worry, you wont die yet ken-chan!

kitten: i—

Teru: LMFAO

Tsumu: see

kitten: ugh fine...

_[ A few minutes lateur ]_

Tsumu: ken open the door

kitten: u have a key

Tsumu: be nice to ur guests and open the door

kitten: ur not a guest, open the door for urself

Tsumu: smh

Tsumu: and put some pants on

kitten: k

* * *

* * *

* * *

Kenma got up from the couch and went to open the door. He saw Koganegawa, Kyotani, Terushima, and Atsumu standing there. Atsumu was smiling at him holding what he assumed to be a box of apple pie. "This is a gift for letting us 'borrow' your apartment".

"Wow, you shouldn't have, but thanks," Kenma said quickly reaching for the box. Before he could get it, Atsumu pulled it back and frowned at him. "I told you to put pants on, dumbass" Atsumu stated. "Fine, make yourselves at home or whatever." Kenma huffed as he walked to his room. "Hell yeah, a house tour!" Terushima screamed.

The five boys just sat around, ate pie, watched movies, and played video games. Sooner or later Tsukk came **(( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• ))** and they continued the fun until it was 10 p.m.

"Okay, The first game is [cat scratch](https://www.scaryforkids.com/cat-scratch/) for Kogane and Kenma" Kyotani stated. "Okay, so which one of you wants to get scratched?" Tsukki asked the two. Kogane and Kenma looked at each other then back at the group.

"Kogane"

"Me!"

"Unanimous vote says Kogane," Tsukki says. "Okay then, first Ken has to sit down and everyone but kogane makes a circle beside him. If that makes sense." Kyotani read the directions off his phone. Kenma sat down first, then the rest of them sat beside him in a circle, while kogane was still standing. "WAIT ILL BE RIGHT BACK!" Terushima said quickly rushing into Kenma's room. He ran back out with his phone and tripod and started setting it up. "What's that for?" Atsumu asked. "So we can record our _spooky_ interactions, and show it to the group chat," Terushima said puffing his chest out.

Everybody was staring at Terushima. "That's the dumbe—" Tsukishima started. "Anyway, Kogane lie down in the middle of the circle and put your head in Kenma's lap" Kyotani interrupted Tsukishima. Kogane Jumped into the circle, laid down, and put his head in Kenma's lap.

"Okay, Ken I'm going to give you two stories, you can choose which one you want to read first. While you're reading it, you have to rub Kogane's temples." Kyotani started. "Kogane, once Ken finishes the story, you have to quickly stand up and show your back. If it works then your supposed to have three red claw marks on your back". Kyotani finished.

"Is it gonna hurt?" Atsumu asked. "Well, the website said it shouldn't" Kyotani shrugged. "What if it does?" Kogane asked. "Well, then that sucks for you doesn't it?" Tsukki snickered. "Let's get this started, the camera is already rolling!" Terushima added in.

The room was silent. Kogane closed his eyes as Kenma started rubbing his temples. Kenma started to recite the first story.

  
_"There once was an old lady who owned a cat. The cat was very nice. It meowed and purred. One day, the cat got hit by a car and died. Catscratch, catscratch, catscratch._  
  
_The old lady got a new cat. The cat was very mean. It hissed and clawed. Catscratch, catscratch, catscratch._  
  
_One day, the cat got hit by a car and died. The old lady decided not to get any more cats. Catscratch, catscratch, catscratch."_

Once Kenma finished the story, Kogane stood up quickly and Lifted his shirt. You could see the abs on his stomach but we shouldn't be looking there, should we? They all quickly stood up and checked his ~~abs~~ back. There were no claw marks but there was a noise coming from the bathroom. They all whipped their heads to the place where the sound was coming from.

They slowly crept towards the bathroom and stood in front of the door. "Someone open it!" Atsumu whispered. "Ken, go open it, it's your bathroom" Tsukki pushed him near the door. "Why are y'all trying to get me killed in my own apartment!" He went behind Kyotani. "Ugh, fine I'll open it," Teru said stepping up to the door.

Teru quickly opened the door and the bathroom was pitch black. Until something jumped out at them. Kogane, Kenma, Teru, and Tsumu screamed. Tsukki jumped a little bit. Kyotani looks unphased... like he knew this was gonna happen 🤔. 

"Oh wait, it's just Miso" Kenma said picking up the adorable cat. "Did we summon a cat?" Kogane asked. "No, this is my fur-baby Miso" Kenma held up the cat for them to see. "Why name it Miso?" Kyotani asked whilst petting Miso. "I had nothing else to name him" Kenma shrugged.

"There are so many different names you could have called him, but you chose Miso...like the soup." Tsukki squinted at him. "Did you want me to name him apple pie then?" Kenma scoffed. "Anyway, why was the Furby in the bathroom?" Atsumu asked. " Fur-baby not fUrBy, and I don't know" Kenma corrected him. "We aren't done the game, let's continue!" Teru panned the camera to the group.

They were back in the living room in their original spots. They would have started but Miso keeps bothering him. "Miso, not right now" Kenma put him in Kyotani lap. Somehow the dog and the cat got along. Oh, wait kyouken isn't a dog. Nevermind then.

_This time they were ready to start. Kenma started to rub Kogane's temples and recite the second story._

_You are walking through a dark alley late at night._

_You are the only one there._

_The ground is slick with rain._

_The alley is filled with garbage cans and litter._

_But then you hear something._

_A movement in the garbage cans._

_You pick up your pace._

_You want to get out of the alley fast._

_But then you see something._

_Red eyes. Glowing red cat eyes._

_They are the eyes of an enormous cat._

_You run, but the cat chases you and jumps on you._

_It scratches you, one, two, three._

_Cat scratch, cat scratch, cat scratch._

Kogane quickly stood up and removed his shirt. They all got up and took a look at his back. And there it was. Three red claw marks were on his back. "Holy shit, it worked," Atsumu gaped. "It kinda stings," Kogane said. Kenma grabbed his arm and made him sit on one of the bar stools. He went to the freezer and got an ice pack for him.

Teru leaned down to take a closer look at the cat. "Miso kinda sus guys..." he said. Atsumu crouched down beside him. "Of course he is, he's a Furby for fucks sake" Tsumu huffed. "Why do you hate Miso so much" Tsukki looked at him. "He ripped my favorite shirt" Tsumu pouted. Kyotani also crouched down and started to pet Miso. "Maybe it's a demon in a cat's body" He joked.

Miso meowed in response. The four boys looked at the cat. And Miso just... DID MISO JUST SMIRK???

"So what's the next game!" Kogane asked walking up to them.

* * *

* * *

* * *

BONUS:

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

???

Teru: CatScratchgame.mp4

_[They watch the video]_

Suga: WTF DID U GUYS DO TO KOGANE

Teru: dw he's fine we gave him ice.

Oikawa: u sound like a middle school nurse

Teru: lol

Tendou: summoning demons w/o me, how sad 😪

Ushijima: I think it is for the best Satori.

Hinata: why was Miso locked in the bathroom in the bathroom

Teru: we don't know

Bokuto: BRO WE SHOULD SUMMON DEMONS

Kuroo: HELL YEAH

Akaashi: i don't think that's a good idea 

Osamu: why would u guys do that

Teru: i mean what else are we gonna do on a thursday night 🤔

Asahi: ...

Asahi: Study?

Tanaka: YOOO POST THAT SHIT ON YOUTUBE

Noya: YALL FINNA BE RICH ASF

Yamaguchi: wow tsukki made new friends 🤗😊

Teru: o why hello freckles 😉

Yahaba: go back to summoning ur demons and shit

Teru: fine😭😭😭

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i try this game... maybe😏😏😏
> 
> the rest of this arc is probs gonna be irl chapters. srry if u don't like that :(  
> if yall wanna suggest sum creepy games, go ahead... i ain't stoppin' u


	8. CONCENTRATION. 👏👏👏 64 👏👏👏 NO REPEAT👏👏👏  WRONG GAME DUMBASS.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the spooky arc. Teru and Tsumu play concentrate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just sending love to everyone <3
> 
> by summoning demons :)
> 
> this might be triggering, idk just be careful.

**Last Time on 'The blond boys'**

_"Okay, so which one of you wants to get scratched?"_

_"So we can record our spooky interactions, and show it to the group chat,"_

_"Oh wait, it's just Miso"_

_"Fur-baby not fUrBy, and I don't know"_

_He ripped my favorite shirt"_

_"Maybe it's a demon in a cat's body"_

_DID MISO JUST SMIRK???_

* * *

* * *

* * *

"So what's the next game!" Kogane asked walking up to them. "The next game is [concentrate](https://www.scaryforkids.com/concentrate/) for me and Teru," Tsumu said. "Oh, what's the game about?" Teru gave the camera to Kogane. "I can't tell you until the game is over," Tsumu answered.

The rest of them seated on the floor watching the interaction. "Okay, first you need to stand up and close your eyes, then I'm going to read something to you. Once I start reading it you have to listen to my words and imagine what I'm saying. I'm also going to have to touch you." Tsumu read off of his phone. Teru hummed in agreement. "Try not to laugh" Tsumu added.

"Now that you say that, I want to laugh" Teru snickered. "Your death, not mine...literally" He mumbled the last part. "What?" Teru asked. "Oh, nothing" Tsumu smiled. "The camera is rolling!" Kogane said.

Teru had his eyes closed and Tsumu was behind him.

Tsumu used his fists to pound lightly on Teru's back.

_Concentrate. Concentrate._

_Concentrate on what I'm saying._

_People are dying. Children are crying._

_Concentrate. Concentrate._

_Concentrate on what I'm saying._

Tsumu tapped Teru's head with his fists, then ran his hands down his head.

_Crack an egg on your head._

_Let the yolk run down. Let the yolk run down._

_Crack an egg on your head._

_Let the yolk run down. Let the yolk run down._

**(The other 4 boys were trying to hold back their laughter)**

Tsumu used his fists to pound lightly on Teru's back again.

_Concentrate. Concentrate._

_Concentrate on what I'm saying._

_People are dying. Children are crying._

_Concentrate. Concentrate._

_Concentrate on what I'm saying._

Tsumu twisted his hands on Teru's shoulders and then ran his hands down his arms.

_Squeeze an orange on your shoulder._

_Let the juice drip down. Let the juice drip down._

_Squeeze an orange on your shoulder._

_Let the juice drip down. Let the juice drip down._

Tsumu used his fists to pound lightly on Teru's back again.

_Concentrate. Concentrate._

_Concentrate on what I'm saying._

_People are dying. Children are crying._

_Concentrate. Concentrate._

_Concentrate on what I'm saying._

Tsumu used his fingers and poked his sides.

_Stick ten needles in your sides._

_Let the blood drip down. Let the blood drip down._

_Stick ten needles in your sides._

_Let the blood drip down. Let the blood drip down._

Tsumu used his fists to pound lightly on Teru's back again.

_Concentrate. Concentrate._

_Concentrate on what I'm saying._

_People are dying. Children are crying._

_Concentrate. Concentrate._

_Concentrate on what I'm saying._

Tsumu tapped his fist on Teru's back and then ran his hands down.

_Stab a knife in your back._

_Let the blood drip down. Let the blood drip down._

_Stab a knife in your back._

_Let the blood drip down. Let the blood drip down._

Tsumu used his fists to pound lightly on Teru's back again.

_Concentrate. Concentrate._

_Concentrate on what I'm saying._

_People are dying. Children are crying._

_Concentrate. Concentrate._

_Concentrate on what I'm saying._

Tsumu held Teru's arms and whispered in his ear.

_"You're standing on a building._

_You're out on the ledge._

_You're feeling dizzy_

_and you're close to the edge._

_and someone... PUSHES YOU."_

Tsumu quickly pushed Teru, just enough for him to tip over and regain his balance. "Holy shit that was cool," Teru said. The other four burst out laughing because of the weird dialogue Tsumu had read. "When you fell what color did you see?" Tsumu asked. "Uhh, I think it was purple. Why?" Teru replied. "The game tells you how you're gonna die," Tsumu said. "I DONT WANNA KNOW HOW I DIE?!??!" Teru screamed.

"Calm down, it might not happen now. Maybe in the future." Tsumu said. "Anyway, purple means you'll suffocate to death. Not bad," Tsumu said with a smile. "How is that 'not bad'?" Tsukki asked. "I saw the color orange when I did it. It said I was going to burn to death" Tsumu replied.

"That makes sense," Kyotani said. "What do you mean," Tsumu asked. "Oh yeah, didn't Sangwoo die in a fire? And you look like him." Kenma added in. "He didn't die in the fire, someone asphyxiated him," Tsukki related. "So, Teru and Tsumu are gonna die like Sangwoo?" Kogane asked. "Yep," Kenma nodded.

"Okay, okay, Next game!" Teru yelled.

* * *

* * *

* * *

**BONUS:**

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

???

Teru: concentrategame.mp4

Daichi: why are you all awake

Teru: cant summon demons in ur sleep ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Tanaka: CONCENTRATION

Tanaka: 👏👏👏

Noya: 64

Noya: 👏👏👏

Tanaka: NO REPEAT

Tanaka: 👏👏👏

Noya: OR HESITATION

Noya: 👏👏👏

Teru: wrong game dumbass

Suna: dont die in ur sleep lol

Teru: cant make any promises 😗✌

Kunimi: let us die w/ u

Teru: a dying club sounds nice 🤔

Teru: ill keep that in mind....

@BeanssD 😉

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that sangwoo part was not needed so idk why i put it in there. i might take it out later 😶


	9. Red door yellow doOr. why the fuck are there so many doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of the demon arc. this has two parts but im kinda lazy to put them together sooo ye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is late. my plunger died :(
> 
> ^  
> thats my excuse take it or leave it >:3
> 
> .

* * *

* * *

* * *

"We're gonna have two people play this game at the same time. Kogane, Kenma, and Kyotani are team one. Tsumu, Tsukki, and I will be team two" Teru stated. "What game are we playing now?" Kogane asked. "The game Is called [red door, yellow door](https://www.scaryforkids.com/red-door-yellow-door/), the guide of each team will explain the rules" Teru answered.

**Team One: Kenma, Kogane, And Kyotani.**  
  


"I want to be the cameraman," Kogane said. "Go ahead," Kyotani said while getting a pillow. "Okay, so this game is similar to the cat scratch game. But some rules are important so you don't die in your sleep." Kyotani placed the pillow in his lap and guided Kenma to lie down. "I could die in this game?" Kenma looked up at him. "If you follow the rules you won't," Kyotani answered.

"Rule 1: if you see anybody in the rooms don't talk to them, they might trick you.

Rule 2: if you see clocks, exit the room because they can trap you.

Rule 3: It's better to go up than down, and lighter things are better than darker things. You can still choose where you want to go but it's just a warning.

Rule 4: If you get trapped in a room you have to try and wake up or you'll be stuck in the trance forever.

Rule 5: If you die in the game, then you could also die in real life.

Rule 6: If you see a man in a suit who makes you uneasy, we should end the game immediately. If you can't wake yourself up then I'll wake you up." Kyotani finished.  
  


Kenma hummed in agreement and lifted his arms up. "Once you see doors or a room, you can lower your arms down. Try to describe what you see, and if I ask you a question try to answer it." Kyotani stated. "I'm ready," Kenma said. He closed his eyes, Kogane and Kyotani started to chant.

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"  
_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

Kenma lowered his hands down and the boys stopped chanting. Kenma was in the trance. (kyou is in regular, ken is in bold)

Are you in a room?

**Yes**

What do you see?

**A purple door, a gray one, and an orange one.**

How does the gray one make you feel?

**I don't know, it feels like a regular door.**

Go through the orange door.

**...**

What do you see?

**There are a couch and a rug.**

Can you lift the rug?

**...**

**There are stairs leading down.**

Is there anything else in the room?

**No**

Go down the stairs

**...**

**There are a red door and a yellow room.**

Which room do you like better?

**The red one.**

Okay, go to the yellow room.

**Don't ask for my opinion if you aren't going to take it bitch.**

Kyotani just laughed.

What's in the yellow room?

**A big piece of apple pie.**

Don't eat it.

**Why not.**

You know what, just eat it.

...

**Ew.**

Details?

**It tastes like playdough**

I'm not gonna ask how you know what playdough tastes like.

**Everybody has tasted playdough in their life.**

Yeah sure, what do you see know.

**Nothing.**

Do you want to go to the red room?

**Yes.**

Okay, go.

...

What do you see?

**Clocks**

Can you leave the room?

**Yep.**

**Now, what do I do? There are no more places to go.**

Try to go upstairs.

...

**There's a green door now.**

Enter it.

**...**

**There are two people looking at me and another door.**

Go through the door.

...

**There's a long ass hallway.**

Walk through it.

**But it's like suuuuuper long.**

Walk. through. it.

**Why.**

Do you want to stay with the weird people?

**... no**

Then walk through the hallway

**Fine**

...

**There are 2 doors.**

Colors?

**Pink and white.**

**The Pink one smells weird.**

Like what?

**Fish.**

Which door do you want to go through?

**The pink one.**

...Okay then.

...

What do you see?

**Guess**

A fish?

**Yeah, there are like five of them.**

What else.

**A coffin.**

Is the pink door still there?

**uh nope**

Anything else?

**Now the room is empty.**

Okay, try to wake up.

...

Kenma woke up outta his trance. "That was cool," he said. "Yes because eating playdough and going into a room full of fish, is cool" Kyotani deadpanned. "That was amazing!" Kogane gaped. "You see, even Kogane thought it was cool" Kenma stated. "Let's go see what the others are up to," Kogane said.

"I bet one of them is dead," Kyotani said. "Let's hope all three are," Kenma muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter has the bonus mate.


	10. WAKE UPPPP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3.5 of the Demon arc. Tsumu better wake tf up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k shit i need to finish this arc before Valentine's day. this and the next few chapters might be rushed. so yea.

**Team Two: Teru, Tsukki, And Tsumu.**

"Here read this and memorize it." Tsukki gave Tsumu the phone. "What's this writing?" Tsumu asked. "It's the rules and how to play," Teru said from behind the camera. "Fuck the rules! We're playing this our way!" Tsumu yelled. "Hell fucking yeah we are!" Teru screamed. They both jumped in the air and bumped their whole bodies together. They both fell on the floor and groaned in pain.

"Ow, I fell on my ass :( " Teru got up from the floor. "I think I have a cuncossionolesnin" Tsumu rubbed his head. Tsukki scoffed. "I think you mean concussion, dumbass" Tsukki rolled his eyes. "Let's hurry up and finish before the others" Teru walked behind the camera. Tsukki sat down and put a pillow on his lap. Tsumu laid his head down, lifted his arms up, and closed his eyes. "Are you sure you don't want to know the rules?" Tsukki asked one. last. time. Tsumu thought about it.

"Nah, let's just go!!!!" Tsumu said. Tsukki sighed and Teru just laughed. Tsumu closed his eyes. Teru and Tsukki started chanting. (Tsukki is regular, Tsumu is bold, Italics is Teru)

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"  
_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_[A minute lateur]_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"  
_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

_"Red door, yellow door, any other color door,"_

Are you in the trance yet Tsumu?

**I've been in here for a while**

Why didn't you tell me?

**Idk bud.**

Where are you?

**I'm in a purple room.**

What do you see?

**There's a white van.**

Go inside it.

**What the fuck, hell no.**

Go inside the white van.

**If I die I'm going to haunt both of you.**

_Why me?_

**Because I said so.**

...

What's in the van?

**There are three more doors.**

_Is that possible?_

I don't think so.

What colors are the doors?

**Green, Yellow, and Blue.**

Go through the green door.

**Okay.**

...

What do you see?

**There are trees and grass. There's also fireflies.**

_That sounds calming._

I know right.

Is there anything else in the room?

**Yep, there are stairs leading up.**

Go up them.

**Sure.**

...

Where are you now?

**Still climbing.**

...

_Are you done climbing yet?_

**Nope.**

...

**Okay, now there are a black door and a red one.**

Go through the red door.

**WOWIE**

What?

_What?_

**There this guy in a suit.**

**But like this feels weird.**

...

_..._

_Try to talk to him._

I don't think that's a good idea

**Too late.**

...

A few minutes had passed. "Tsumu?" Tsukki asked. He got no reply. "Is he not waking up?" Teru asked kneeling beside Tsukki. "What should we do?" Tsukki asked. "He might be tired" Teru shrugged. Tsukki hummed in agreement. Before he could get up, the door opened. "Are you guys done yet?" Kogane walked in. "Tsumu fell asleep during it," Tsukki said.

"What was the last thing he saw?" Kyotani asked. "He said he saw a man in a suit," Tsukki answered. The three newcomers went silent. "Are y'all illiterate or something?" Kenma scoffed. "What do you mean?" Teru asked.

"If you read the rules on how to play, you would know that you should quit the game if you see a man in a suit," Kyotani stated. "Well he isn't waking up, sooo what do we do?" Teru asked. "Check if he's still alive," Kogane said.

"And how do we do that?" Teru asked again. "Check his pulse" Kogane stated. "Where's that?" Tsukki asked. The room fell silent. None of the blond boys know where the pulse is. Author-Sensei doesn't know either. Anyways.

"Touch his hand" Kenma butted in. Tsukki picked up Tsumu's hand. "How is this gonna tell me if he's alive or not?" Tsukki sighed. "I don't know, They do that in movies." Kenma shrugged. "If he's dead you two are going to deal with Sakusa." Kyotani deadpanned. "He's fine, we just need to find a way to wake him up," Teru said.

"Did you try to shake him?" Kogane asked. Tsukki and Teru looked at each other, then at Tsumu, then at each other, then a Tsumu. Tsukki started shaking him roughly and Teru started to smack his face.

"OW OW OW OW STOP HITTING ME" Tsumu screamed and jumped up. "YOU GUYS WERE HITTING MY BEAUTIFUL FACE" Tsumu screeched like a man getting his nails pulled out by Hanji Zoe and being tortured by Levi Ackerman. 

"Why didn't you wake up when we were calling you?" Tsukki asked. "Because I was sleeping" Tsumu yawned. "OKAY, OKAY WE HAVE ONE LAST GAME. LET'S GO!!!" Kogane said.

* * *

* * *

* * *

**BONUS:**

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

???

Kogane: TeamOne.mp4

Aone: Koganegawa are you okay?

Kogane: Yep!! ヾ(^▽^*)))

Mattsun: damn that looks fun

Makki: ikr

Suga: that's alot of rules

Oikawa: yall should have played withouT them

Kita: at least we can see who are the responsible ones are out of the group.

Daichi: i honestly thought it would be tsukishima

Goshiki: ur a cool camera-man Kogane!!!

Kogane: THANK YOU GOSHIKI (❁´◡`❁)!!!!

Teru: Team two is better.

Kuroo: Oya?

Bokuto: Oya??

Sakusa: this is going to be horrible

Teru: o shit ur online

Sakusa: ??

Teru: blame ur boyfriend, not us

Teru: TeamTwo.mp4

Suna: QCHIVNDVNKV

Suna: YALL REALLY KILLED HIM

Yahaba: LMAO

Daichi: did you three not read the rules?

Teru: we gave them to Tsumu to read.

Teru: his fault for not reading them ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Iwa-chan: weren't u the one who agreed with him, not to use rules

Teru: 🤫🤫🤫

Sakusa: ...

Teru: damn the demons are calling..

Teru: later nerds 👋

Tanaka:👋

Noya:👋

Mattsun:👋

Makki:👋

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me waiting for the last two chapters of SNK while all the anime watchers are waiting for the new episodes: 😉🤭🤭
> 
> I've been using to many kaomoji's


	11. Talking with a demon. (it was kinda boring tho)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 4 of the Demon arc. Idk what else to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly dont know why this is late.

"The vote is now finished. The two players that will be playing in the basement are..... Kyotani and Tsukishima!" Teru announced. Both ~~boys~~ MEN stood up and bowed in front of the council. What council you ask? Kogane, Teru, Kenma, and Tsumu are now wearing navy blue robes. They are a council. This happened behind the scenes. Back to the book.

"Oh wait before you go, sign this" Kenma took out a few sheets of paper and two pens. "What are these for?" Kyotani asked. "They're wavers" Kenma replied. "Do we have to sign them? Tsukki asked. "It would be beneficial for all of us" Kogane answered.

"If you look to your left you'll see two chairs, a flashlight, and a candle." Tsumu gestured to the table that had two foldable chairs tucked under it. The table had 3 fake white skulls and a pink one with glitter. There was also a flashlight and a candle on top.

"We'll help you guys set up the room, but after that, you're on your own," Teru picked up a chair and Kogane held the other. Tsumu grabbed the candle and Kenma took the flashlight. They all left the apartment and locked the door. They headed in the elevator. The door was about to close when they saw somebody walking towards it. Kenma quickly pressed the button and the door opened. The person entered the elevator and the door closed. There was an awkward silence.

"oh hey.." The person said. "hi.." Kenma responded. The five other boys looked at them with confusion. "where are you going?" The person asked. "places" Kenma responded. "that's kinda vague" The person pointed out. Kenma just hummed in response. "where are you going?" Kenma asked to be polite. He couldn't give two shits about where this person was going. "to meet someone" The person stated.

The atmosphere was very weird and unsettling. The five boys pulled out their phones.

* * *

* * *

* * *

The blond boys

???

kyouken: tf is happening

Tsumu: idk

Kogane: that person looks creepy

Teru: ikr

Tsukki: this whole situation is awkward

Teru: why did we open the door for them

kyouken: idk

Tsumu: i want the elevator the break

Kogane: then we would be stuck with the person even longer

Tsumu: o shiet ur right.

* * *

* * *

* * *

The elevator finally reached the lobby and everybody got out. The six boys were still standing near the elevator door and the person started walking to the entrance. They stopped walking right in front of the door. The six boys kept looking at the person. The person turned around the look at the six boys. They were now staring at each other. "Don't look behind you" The person smiled. The blond boys turned around to look behind them.

Nothing was there...

They turned around to see that the person was gone. Now they were just staring at the door where the person just stood. "That's suspicious," Teru said. "That's weird" Tsumu continued. The rest of them looked at the two with disapproving looks. "Let's go" Kenma sighed.

* * *

* * *

* * *

The six boys finally reached the basement and started setting up. They started moving things around so they had a lot of room. They placed two chairs down in the center of the room. They moved back five feet and placed the candle down on a small table.

"We'll read out the rules after we're going to the security room" Tsumu took his phone out. "Why the security room?" Tsukki asked. "So we can record the demons," Teru said. "How did you get into the security room?" Kyotani asked. "I borrowed it from the security guard" Kenma shrugged. "So you stole it," Tsukki stated. "It's not stealing if I'm going to give it back someday," Kenma said matter-of-factly.

"Anyway, Rule 1: Don't laugh or the demon will attack you.  
Rule 2: Do not turn on the flashlight until the questions are up. If you do the demon will stay.  
Rule 3: Don't ever look behind you.  
Rule 4: Never play by yourself.  
If you guys follow the rules you won't be possessed and summon a demon." Kogane finished. The four boys walked out of the basement and headed to the security room. 

* * *

* * *

* * *

Tsukki got up and went to turn off the lights while Kyotani sits in one of the chairs. Tsukki turns on the flashlight to go to the candle, lights it up, and stands in front of his seat. (Kyotani is bold, Tsukki is regular)

"All spirits and demons, we invite you into this space. You must stay within the light of the candle feeling its warmth. We will not gaze upon you. Grant us to ask 10 questions, and then return to your realm leaving us in peace."

Tsukki sat down. They both started counting down from 10,

10

**9**

8

**7**

6

**5**

4

**3**

2

**1**

...

So are we gonna take turns asking questions?

**Yeah sure.**

What kind of questions do we ask?

**Here I'll go first.**

**What's your favorite color?**

...

**...**

_ʳᵉᵈ_

...Is this gonna actually work?

**Probably.**

How old are you?

...

...

It's not answering

**I mean if somebody asked for your age, would you answer?**

Yeah.

**Whatever floats your boat.**

**...**

**Are you a Demon and/or a spirit?**

**...**

...

_ᵧₑₛ_

**...**

...

That was a dumb question.

**It wasn't.**

This game is for us to talk to demons and spirits. So why wouldn't it be a demon or spirit?

**I mean it could be a crackhead that lives in the basement, trying to fuck with us.**

[Tsukki snickered.]

Oh shit, does that count as a laugh.

**Not really, they didn't specify what an actual laugh is.**

Okay.

Do you have a name?

...

**...**

_ᵧₑₛ_

**...**

...

Are you gonna tell us the name or not?

...

...

Did it die or something?

**Maybe you're making it uncomfortable.**

Demons don't have feelings.

**You don't know that. Are you the demon?**

No.

...

...

**Do you have feelings?**

**...**

...

_ᵧₑₛ_

**...**

...

**See.**

Is yes the only thing in its vocabulary?

**Idk ask it.**

Is yes the only word you know?

...

...

_ⁿᵒ_

...

...

**There's your answer.**

Ugh.

How many more questions do we have left?

**Like three more.**

Stop breathing on my neck.

**I'm sitting right beside you. How the fuck am I supposed to breathe on your neck.**

Ugh, let's hurry this up.

...

...

**Are you mad at us?**

**...**

...

ᵧₑₛ

...

...

Why is it mad?

**Because you laughed at it.**

Bitch, you said that didn't count as a laugh.

**Why would you listen to me?**

Whatever.

...

...

Are you gonna attack us?

...

...

...

...

It's not answering.

**Let's end the game.**

We have one more question though.

...

...

**What came first the chicken or the egg?**

...

...

Jfc, let's end the game already.

Demon get the fuck out.

**Aren't we supposed to ask politely?**

I'm not a polite person.

**Understandable.**

**10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1**

Aren't we supposed to count slowly?

**I'm not a slow person.**

Understandable.

The two boys turned on the flashlight, got up, and turned on all the lights. They started walking toward the stairs of the basement. But they forgot to blow out the candle...

The game -> [Don't look behind you](http://www.the13thfloor.tv/2016/12/12/how-to-play-the-terrifying-game-dont-look-behind-you/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a ghost in my house. they're helping me write these chapters so thank them.
> 
> i also have a one-week break from school so ill try to post more. but i also have over 30 missing assignments so idk.


	12. hit and run but we arnet running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A filler. Teru and Kogane shouldn't be in a car together. The 'parents' handle the 'situation'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CAME UP WITH ANOTHER BOOK IDEA 😎😎🤪 
> 
> it probably wont come out till i finish this but knowing me i never keep my promises 🙂.

The blond boys

11:49 p.m

Kogane: HELPP

Kogane: HELLLP

Tsukki: whats wrong?

Kogane: WE HIT SOMEONE

kyouken: wdym by we?

Kogane: ME AND TERU

Kogane: WHAT DO WE DO

kitten: say sorry to them?

Kogane: BUT THEIR DEAD

Tsukki:...

kyouken: ...

kitten: ...

Tsumu: what the fuck did you guys do

Kogane: WE ACCIDENTLY HIT SOMEONE ON THE ROAD

Kogane: AND THEY WERENT MOVING

Tsukki: Bring them to the hospital!?!?

Kogane: WE CANTTT!!!!!

kyouken: why not

Kogane: WE LEFT THEM ON THE ROAD

Kogane: WERE DRIVING AWAY

kyouken: TURN AROUND

kitten: WHY DID U LEAVE THE BODY

Kogane: SO WE DONT GO TO JAIL

Tsumu: JHVBDK LMFAO

Tsumu: HOW DID U HIT SOMEBODY

Kogane: WE WERE SINGING BTS 😫😫😫

Tsukki: WHERES TERU

Kogane: HES SPEEDING SO THE COPS DONT COME

Kogane: BUT I THINK I HEAR SIRENS

kyouken: y'all are fucked

Tsukki: it was nice knowing ya

Kogane: PLEASEEE HELP

Kogane: I DONT WANNA GO TO JAIL

Tsumu: you shouldn't have hit the person then ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

kitten: gj doing a successful hit and run tho.

Kogane: U GUYS ARENT HELPING ಥ_ಥ

Kogane: TFE POLIVE IGF VVOMING CLOSERRR!!! (the police is coming closer)

Kogane: WIHT FO WE DO IN SCARG (what do we do I'm scared)

kyouken: Explain what happened

Tsumu: drive faster

Tsukki: drive faster

kitten: drive faster

Kogane: OKAY WE DIRVUDE FADTER

Tsumu: send a pic of y'all in jail

Tsukki: lmao

Kogane: HWEKLOJ QJBJGND KJD

_Kogane is offline._

kitten: how r they gonna get outta jail?

kyouken: unless someone bails them out

Tsumu: what will they use their phone call on

Tsukki: probably pizza

kyouken: lol

kitten: lol

Tsumu: lol

Tsukki: lol

...

Tsumu: we should probably get help

kitten: probably

* * *

* * *

* * *

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

2:13 a.m

Tsumu: we need heeeeelp

Daichi: it's two in the morning

Tsukki: but it's important

Suga: how important on a scale from 1-10

Kenma: personally i would say a 2

Kenma: but its like a 5

Kita: What happened

Tsumu: something died

Yaku: something?

Kyouken: Someone.

Suga: ...

Daichi: ...

Kita: ...

Yaku: ...

Tanaka: was it a headshot

Noya: maybe they 360 no-scoped them

Daichi: No.

Suga: how would that be a 2???

Kenma: keyword: personally

Yaku: its a dead body kenma

Tsukki: the four of us didn't kill them though

Iwa-chan: so who did?

Tsumu: i ain't tryna be a snitch or anything👀👀 but Teru and Kogane are awfully quiet 🤔🤔

Ushijima: They might be sleeping.

Kyouken: sleeping in jail

Tsukki: lol

Daichi: WHAT

Suga: WHAT

Tsukki: they did a hit and run

Kenma: they're probably in jail by now

Kita: Which police station are they at?!?!

Tsumu: we don't know 🤷‍♂️

Yaku: So how will we find them?

Kyouken: just hope they use their one phone call on one of you and not on pizza 

Tsumu: we kinda tired now so have fun finding them 😙

Daichi: wait—

_Kyouken is offline_

_Tsukki is offline_

_Kenma is offline_

_Tsumu is offline._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also happy birthday to my stepdad.
> 
> my shift key is starting to piss me off


	13. Valentine special 💝💖

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day <3!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

The blond boys

11:14 a.m.

Teru: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!

Kogane: HAPPY VALENTINES EVERYONE! <3

kyouken: wooo

kitten: yay

Tsukki: how fun

Teru: im gonna pretend theres exclamation marks behind those

Kogane: wheres tsumu??

Tsukki: probably spending time with sakusa

Teru: oooooooooh

Kogane: 🤔😮

Teru: 😀

Kogane: 😊

Teru:🤗

kyouken: did u forget how to spell?

kitten: they're speaking emoji

* * *

* * *

* * *

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

11:25 a.m

Teru: HAPPY VALENTINES EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

...

Teru: where is everyone

Kuroo: Probably spending time with their significant other

Teru: oh

Teru: Oh

Teru: OH

Teru: LMAO GTG BYE

_Teru is offline._

Kenma: well he's gone

Kuroo: kitten wanna come over?

Kenma: sure

_Kuroo is offline_

_Kenma is offline_

Tsukki: yams, im coming over

Yamaguchi: ok tsukki!

_Tsukki is offline_

_Yamaguchi is offline_

Yahaba: wanna watch a movie?

Kyouken: sure

_Yahaba is offline_

_Kyouken is offline_

Kogane: want to go to a cafe? (*/ω＼*)

Goshiki: sure!! (●'◡'●)

_Kogane is offline_

_Goshiki is offline_

Happy Valentines Day!!

-From The blond boys & Author-Sensei

<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is short but hope yall had a happy valentine!!! <33


	14. hospitals,cartoons, & ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Help Teru. again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, soo the next part of the demon arc is gonna take a while so once it comes out ill leave it as is. Once a few days have passed ill move it to be right after part 5 or 6(i forgot which one).
> 
> IM SORRY IF THIS IS CONFUSING BUT YOULL SEE SOON <333
> 
> also learn cpr 👍

The blond boys

8:50 pm

Teru: HEsP (help)

Teru: IM CJOKINF (im choking)

Tsumu: on sum gud dicc🥵🥵

Tsukki: take ur horny ass somewhere else

Kogane: lol

Teru: NON IM ACTUSLLT CHOEMG (no im actually choking)

kitten: then stop choking??

Teru: I CNT (i cant)

kyouken: call the police

Tsukki: why the police

kyouken: i mean, does anybody have the phone number of an ambulance?

Tsumu: do ambulances have phone numbers

kitten: idk i've only been to the hospital once in my life.

Teru: HEOWP (help)

Teru: pkf (pls)

Kogane: only once?

kitten: when i was born

Tsukki: you've never broken a bone before?

kitten: im not like those kids who break a bone every year.

Tsumu: lmao

Teru: I FDONT WNNAN DIE (i dont wanna die)

Tsumu: send your location

_Teru shared his location._

Tsumu: i dont think any of us are close but ill call an ambulance

kyouken: dont die while ur waiting

Kogane: well visit you at the hospital!!! (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ

Tsukki: bye

kitten: be safe

Teru: BUE (bye)

_Teru is offline_

kyouken: why didnt his roommate do cpr

Tsukki: good question

Tsumu: unfortunately we have no answers

Kogane: cpr?

kitten: thats what people do when ur choking

Kogane: then whats the Heimlich maneuver for?

Tsumu: o

Tsukki: whats the difference

Kogane: idk

kyouken: yk what Heimlich reminds me of

Tsukki: what

Tsumu: Doofenshmirtz evil incorporated!

kyouken: yuh

Tsukki: what?

Kogane: youve never watched Phineas and Ferb????

Tsukki: no?

kitten: but like... Jeremy can hit it any day of the week 🥵🤤

Tsumu: yass

kyouken: but have you seen Vanessa

Kogane: everybody whos watched PaF is a simp for Vanessa

Tsumu: tru

kitten: tru

Tsukki: what??

kyouken: have u ever had a childhood

Tsukki: yeah

kitten: so what shows did you watch

Tsukki: ...

Tsukki: dinosaur train

Kogane: what were we expecting 🤦‍♂️

Tsumu: LMAO

kyouken: DINOSAUR TRAIN

kitten: DINOSAUR TRAIN

Kogane: DINOSAUR TRAIN

Tsumu: DINOSAUR TRAIN

Tsukki: WERE GONNA RIDE

kyouken: RIDE

kitten: RIDE

Kogane: RIDE

Tsumu: RIDE

Teru: CHOO CHOO

Tsukki: THE DINOSAUR— wait

Tsukki: arent you in the hospital

Teru: yuh but im fine

Tsumu: are u still in the hospital??

Teru: yuh but im about to leave

Kogane: NO

kyouken: WAIT

Tsukki: WERE COMING DONT LEAVE YET

kitten: wtf 

Teru: ^

Tsumu: hospitals have hella tasty ice

Teru: what 😀 the😀actual😀 ʞɔnɟ😀

kitten: lol

Teru: YALL EAT ICE

Teru: EW WTF

Teru: THAT SHIT FUCKS UP UR TEETH

kyouken: but it tastes good

Tsukki: its ✨immaculate✨

Kogane: im craving hospital ice now 🤤🤤

Teru: YALL AINT COMING HERE.

Teru: GO AWAY

Tsukki: ken were outside ur apartment

Teru: KENMA

Teru: KITTEN NO

kitten: lol i wanna taste some ice

Teru: NO NO NO

Teru: IM RUNNING OUT THE HOSPITAL

Kogane: were on our way

Teru: STOP

kyouken: if you keep running on the road you'll get run over eventually

Teru: IF SOMEONE READS THESE TEXTS 

Teru: AND I DIE

Teru: YALL FINNA GET ARRESTED

Tsumu: were almost here

Teru: STOP OR IM TELLING MY MOM

Tsukki: too late 🙂

_Everyone is offline._

euuughhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gomen for the late chapters 🙇♂️🙇♂️
> 
> if u didn't simp for Vanessa we cant be friends.


	15. wattpad account

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is no hate to Wattpad or Wattpad stories. I love Wattpad. I also love the cringy stories in Wattpad. Mine included😁

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my hxh poster came in the mail today, and my mom just smiled at me. but i know shes mad 😔
> 
> i also ate a salad while everybody else ate fries and chicken 😎.  
> that's as healthy I'll get during 2021. I eat too much junk food but i look the same. 🧍♂️

The blond boys

11:01 pm

Tsukki: @kyouken

Tsukki: speakkkkkk

Tsukki: SPEAKKKKKK

_kyouken is online_

kyouken: how may i help u beanpole

Tsukki: 😃

Tsukki: n eways

Tsukki: i never knew u had a wattpad account 😏

kyouken: wdym

Teru: 😮

Tsumu: 😮

kitten: 👀

Kogane: 👀

Tsukki: lying isnt good

kyouken: i dont have a wattpad account

Tsukki: 🤔 is that so

kyouken: ...

kyouken: yeah...

Tsukki: then whats this @insertkyoukenswattpadhere.

kyouken: ...

Tsumu: never knew you had a wattpad account 👀

Teru: what do you read on there

kyouken:... books idk

Kogane: what typa books👀

kyouken: yk, books.

_kitten is online_

kitten: he reads yahaba x readers

_kitten is offline_

Tsukki: oop 😗

Teru: LMFAO

Kogane: HAHAHAHA

Tsumu: JESBCVBDSCJSJCHJS

kyouken: 

kyouken: no i dont

kitten is online

kitten: yes you do

Kogane: and how do you know that ken 👀

kitten: i have a wattpad account

Tsukki: oh? 😏

kitten: teru and tsumu do too

Teru: HEY

Tsumu: STFU

kitten: kogane ive seen urs 

Kogane: idk wat ur talkin about

kitten: sure...😏

kitten: but this aint about us🤭

Tsumu: what do you read on said account 😏

kyouken: ughhh

kyouken: maybe just MAYBE, i read yahaba x readers

Kogane: ask him out already 😫😫

Tsumu: ah, young love

Teru: im the oldest in the gc

kitten: tsumu, our birthday is only 8 days apart 🤡

Tsumu: shshshshshshsh

Tsukki: N E WAYS

Tsukki: is that all you read?

kyouken: actually no

kyouken: cringy wattpad teen fiction

Tsumu: YESS

Kogane: BRUH

Teru: istg they all have the same plot

kitten: its either mafia, gangs, or bad boys

Tsukki: dont forget about the baby projects 🤢

kyouken: they're hella funny tho

Tsumu: tru.

Teru: dont even get me started on the smut

Kogane: not the smut 🤦♂️

Kogane: most of the time they dont know what lube is and just stick it in

Tsukki: don't forget the 20 different names they have for dicks

kyouken: they also become demons by the way their backs bend

Teru: lol

kitten: their not the best but they're not bad either

Tsukki: ye

Tsumu: ye

kyouken: ye

Teru: ye

Kogane: ye

kitten: ...

kyouken: now what

Teru: WE GO IN MAIN AND SING

Tsukki: why do we always sing

Tsumu: LETS GO

* * *

* * *

* * *

The Real Housewives of Volleyball

11:31 pm

Tsumu: BOY, THIS PUTHY TALKS ENGLISH, SPANISH, AND FRENCH

Sakusa: uh

Teru: BOY, THIS PUTHY TALK EUROS, DOLLARS, AND YENS

Daichi: wtf is happening here

Tsukki: BOY, THIS PUTHY TALK BENTLEYS, ROVERS AND BENZ

Yams: Tsukki, not you too

Kenma: BOY, THIS PUTHY FLY PRIVATE TO ISLANDS, TO M'S

Kuroo: YUH GET INTO IT

Kogane: BOY, THIS PUTHY TALK BIRKIN, GUCCI, CHANNEL

Goshiki: 📝birkin📝gucci📝channel

Kyouken: BOY, THIS PUTHY TALK LOUIS, PUCCI, YSL

Yahaba: what kinda cult did you join—

Hinata: BOY, THIS PUTHY MAKE MOVIES, WETTER THAN A WHALE

Kageyama: BOKE NO

Suga: HINATA NOT YOU TOO 😭😭

Mattsun: BOY, THIS PUSSY BE CHOOSING, DRAFT, NFL

Kindaichi: why

Makki: DONT NOTHIN' BUT THIS CASH MAKE THIS PUTHY TALK

Kunimi: blep

Oikawa: DONT NOTHIN' BUT A BAG MAKE THIS PUTHY TALK

Iwa-chan: no comment

Oikawa: 🙊🙈

Semi: are yall high or sumn

Shirabu: lol

Daichi: STOP STOP ALL OF YOU STOP

_[The music stops 😔👊]_

Daichi: YOUR ALL BAD INFLUENCES

Daichi: SAY SORRY TO THE READERS

Daichi: NOW

Tsumu: Gomen readers 🙇♂️

Teru: Gomen readers 🙇♂️

Kogane: Gomen readers 🙇♂️

Hinata: Gomen readers 🙇♂️

Mattsun: Gomen readers 🙇♂️

Makki: Gomen readers 🙇♂️

Oikawa: Gomen readers 🙇♂️

Daichi: IM MISSING THREE PEOPLE

Kyouken: oop

Kenma: 😬

Tsukki: ya see we cant do that

Daichi: WHY NOT

Kyouken: were kinda stubborn soooo

Daichi: NOW

Kyouken: Gomen readers 🙄

Tsukki: Sorry

Kenma: yeah what they said

Daichi: KENMA AND TSUKISHIMA

Kenma: i feel attacked but whateva 🙄

Kenma: Gomen readers 🙇♂️

Tsukki: ikr

Tsukki: Gomen readers 🙇♂️

Daichi: Good job.

Daichi: wait...

.

.

.

.

Daichi: Author- Sensei Apologize.

_Author-Sensei is online_

Author-Sensei: hah no 😛

Daichi: why are you so stubborn

Author-Sensei: im a Taurus good sir 🤠

Daichi: say sorry

Author-Sensei: its my book i choose the dialogue

Author-Sensei: I can make u go poof.

Author-Sensei: but i wont bc then people would be on my ass

Author-Sensei: i don't like people on my ass

Daichi: Say. Sorry.

Author-Sensei: 😐

Author-Sensei: 😑

Author-Sensei: 😐

Author-Sensei: gomen my g

Daichi: Good.

Daichi: EVERYBODY SLEEP

_Everyone is offline_

Author-Sensei: bold of you to assume that i sleep

???: stfu

weird way to end this chapter ik. lov u <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if yall want me to post this on different websites just tell me bc im hella bored rn.
> 
> and sorry this is late, i was playing little nightmares 2 on my switch.


	16. send a pic. not those kind ya nasty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bunch of pics from my Pinterest boards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was drinking Pepsi while eating popcorn and peanuts while looking for pictures. I also needed to pee.  
> that last statement was not needed.

The blond boys

9:38 p.m

Tsumu: YO

Tsumu: WAKE UP

Tsumu: SEND PICS

_Everyone is online_

kitten: context

Tsumu: send pics

kitten: of???

Kogane: birb

Tsumu: not birb

Tsumu: just send random pics

Tsumu: but not like a shoe or some shit

Tsukki: why

Tsumu: i said do it

Tsukki: but—

Tsumu: ANYWAYS WHOS FIRST

...

Tsumu: ur all sending 1 or else this chapter is going nowhere

kyouken: not again—

.

.

.

_[Technical difficulties brb mate]_

.

.

.

.

.

.

Tsumu: AAAAAND WERE BACK

Teru: ill go first

[ROUND 1. BEGIN!]

Teru: attachment.jpg

kyouken: omfg we cant show that

Kogane: can we be pure for one day

Tsukki: unfortunately, no

kitten: LMAO

kitten: u did say send a pic tho

Tsumu: i didn't mean that kinda pic ya nasty

Teru: don't delete it

Teru: it will be a memory

kyouken: this ain't inside out yk

Teru: that's a good movie😊

Tsumu: this is what i meant

Tsumu:

Kogane: isnt that elf

Tsukki: you mean elvis?

kyouken: why does he look like those bitches from lazy town

kitten: lol

Teru: OHHHH

Teru: OK LEMME TRY AGAIN

Tsumu: LETS SEE IT

Teru: 

kitten: *sigh*

kyouken: i expected that from kogane

Kogane: dk if that's a compliment or not

Tsukki: why a monkey

Teru: ungrateful fuckers

Tsumu: you tried your best

Tsumu: don't try again

kitten: ig ill go next

Tsumu: WOOP WOOP

kitten:

Tsukki: why does woody look like he bouta eat u

kyouken: why yall do mike like that

Teru: JHBSCJVNKFDN GARY AND GABY LMFAO

Kogane: pee and poo ha

Tsumu: we all can relate to brooke

kitten: speak for urself 🤡

Tsumu: 😃

Kogane: ME NEXXT!!!

Tsumu: YESSIR

Kogane:

Tsukki: TO THE PLACE, I BELONG 🤠

kyouken: WEST VIRGINIA 🤠

kitten: MOUNTAIN MOMMA 🤠

Teru: TAKE ME HOME 🤠

Tsumu: COUNTRY ROADS 🤠

Kogane: 👏👏👏👏

kyouken: its my torun

Tsumu: not me hearing gru 😌

kyouken:

kitten: KJFKNVCK WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS

Tsukki: bruh he took the best character

Kogane: this looks sus but interesting

Teru: why in the woods

Tsumu: to make the back yard look more realistic

kyouken: 😃✋ no

Tsumu: yuh, sum1 send me Greg's info

Tsukki: saving the best for last😏

Tsumu: HELL YEAH

Tsukki:

Kogane: ~~I always hoped he inhales his mustache and then suffocates.~~

Tsukki: 😃

Kogane: wow i lost my cool there for a second (/ω＼*)……… (/ω•＼*)

kitten: uhh

Teru: u got trauma with this turd? 😃

Kogane: whaaaaat? nooooooo

kyouken: why is it built like that

Tsumu: u heard the thing, we must save the amazon

kitten: hows it gonna break our knees if it doesn't even have knees

Tsukki: its the lorax, it can do anything

kyouken: anything but bend its knees

Teru: lol

Tsumu: OKAY ROUND ONE IS OVER

Tsumu: the reader(s) will choose who won.

Teru: wait how many rounds are there?

Tsumu: 1 more left

.

.

.

.

[LAST ROUND. BEGIN!]

.

.

.

.

Tsumu: Ill start again

Tsumu:

kyouken: i can never escape this

Tsukki: its a maze through hell

Teru: when ur the pretty best friend ✨

Tsumu: ✨

kitten:✨

Kogane: what about me 🥺

Teru: u and goshiki are both the pretty best friends

Kogane: ✨

kyouken: baby im not even here

Tsukki: im a hallucination

Teru: MY TURRNNN

Tsumu: DONT DISAPPOINT US YOU DISSAPOINTMENT

Teru:

Kogane: with the cha cha cha

Tsumu: with the cha cha cha

kyouken: without the cha cha cha

Tsukki: without the cha cha cha

kitten: i never said i wanted kanye at my party 😤

Teru: ungrateful fucker

Tsumu: u did good teru

Teru: WOOO

kitten: ugghhhh

kitten:

Tsukki: run george

Kogane: run faster meat baby

kyouken: attack on titan lookin kinda different here 🤔

Teru: george, stop being a selfish bitch and share ur skin with meat baby

Tsumu: can meat baby wear some clothes

kitten: m e a t b a b y

Kogane: MY TRUN AGAIN

Tsumu: GO GO GO

Kogane:

kyouken: wat

Tsumu: huh

Tsukki: those are just random objects

kitten: you would not

Teru: believe your

kitten: eyes if

Teru: 10 million fireflies

Kogane: bIg BrAiN

kyouken: lets seee

kyouken:

Tsumu: cowboy in a sweater

kitten: there's a snake in my sweater

Tsukki: woody in a hoodie

Tsukki: but wheres his hat

Kogane: he looks like he could be in fnaf

Tsumu: LAST BUT NOT LEAST

Tsukki: me

Tsukki:

kyouken: is it made out of clay

Teru: claynosaur rex

kitten: which sin. be specific

Kogane: hes rlly about to eat us

Tsumu: no hesitation 😔

Tsumu: BUT THIS CONCLUDES THE ROUNDS

Tsukki: ngl, that was fun

Teru: yuh

Kogane: we were all bonding \\(@^0^@)/

kitten: that was cool

Tsumu: don't i have great ideas

kyouken: don't push ur luck

Tsumu: aye aye 

Teru: so wins?

Tsumu: the readers decide

kyouken: personally i think meat baby should win

kitten: meat baby popped off

Kogane: meat baby is a bad bitch

Teru: meat baby do be having abs tho

Tsukki: fuck meat baby, all my homies hate meat baby

Tsumu: NO VOTING MEAT BABY

kitten: hater

_Everyone is offline._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Choose who won each round. You cant choose meat baby.
> 
> i had to take a nap just to finish this chapter. i started writing at 9:40 pm and finished 2:40 am.
> 
> and then i have to post all this to wattpad. saaaaaave meeeee.


	17. this is why we have no toilet paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Use it wisely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOO IM SO FUCKING SORRY. I HAD WRITERS BLOCK AND EVERYTHING IN LIFE WAS JUST IWRNV. I HAVENT BEEN FEELING MYSELF SO UPDATES ARE FINNA BE S L O W AND CHAPTERS ARE GONNA BE SHORT.
> 
> PLEASE DONT HUNT ME DOWN, HERE UR CHAPTER. SORRY IF ITS KINDA SHITTY. AND THERE'S MORE DIALOGUE THAN TEXT. SRRY💜
> 
> also there no Tsukki or Kogane in this one bc they're one year under the rest of them.

The blond boys

6:33 p.m

Tsumu: i hate him so fucking much

kitten: hes hella annoying

Teru: wat

Tsumu: mR. yAgAmI

Teru: UGH FUCK THAT BITCH

kyouken: istg he hates everyone in the course

kyouken: o shit, remember the time he made the girl cry

Teru: i felt so bad for her

kitten: she got one question wrong and he went ape-shit on her

Tsumu: wait i just realized were all in the same class

Teru: oh?

Teru: i normally sit with kyouken

kitten: i normally sit with tsumu

kyouken: we should all sit together

Tsumu: and piss the teacher off

Teru: yuh

kitten: i have an idea

Teru: will we go to jail for it?

kitten: possibly

kyouken: 😃

Tsumu: lets do it

kitten: we'll meet at XXX-XXX at 10:30 p.m

kyouken: how do you know his address

Teru: don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to. 🙂

kyouken: yall are insane

Tsumu: never said we were sane 🤪

kyouken: why did i become friends with you all 😶

kitten: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Teru: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Tsumu: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

kyouken: fine.

Teru: WOHOOO

Tsumu: YAY

kitten: k c u all there

kitten: bring a disguise just in case 😉

_Everyone is offline._

* * *

* * *

* * *

It was finally 10:30 p.m. and the first one who arrived was Atsumu. He was sitting on a bench some blocks away from the house, scrolling through his Twitter. He heard footsteps coming towards him and looked up. He saw three people walking towards him wearing masks. Atsumu also had his mask on but it was different from the other three. The others mask only covered up their mouth and nose. Atsumu's mask covered his whole face.

Atsumu could have got up and met the other three halfway but he was too lazy so he waited for them to come to him. The three masked men finally came up to Atsumu and dropped a black duffle bag in front of him. Then they ran off.

5 minutes later a white chevy pulled up and honked the horn (this sounds so sus wtf). Atsumu went over to the window and knocked on it. The window slowly rolled down to show Teru wearing a pink wig, mask, and sunglasses. Teru was in the passenger seat and Kyouken was in the driver's seat.

"Why did you guys run away," Atsumu asked. "What do you mean, we just came" Kyouken answered. Atsumu looked at them with confusion. "Then who gave me this duffle bag" Atsumu pointed at the bag near his feet. "Definitely not us," Teru said. Atsumu just sighted in response.

"So where do I put this" Atsumu asked. "Just put it in the back" Kyouken pointed. "But it's sooooo heavy" Atsumu whined. Teru just laughed in response and Kyouken got out of the car. Kyouken picked up the bag and walked around the back with Atsumu trailing behind him. 

"What are you doing?" Kyouken asked as he placed the bag in the trunk. "I'm making a toilet paper throne," Kenma said taking out more rolls from the bags. "Are we tp-ing his house?" Atsumu questioned. "Yeah, then we get Mcdonalds" Kenma said. "What if we get caught?" Atsumu asked. "We won't, plus we covered the license plate" Kyouken placed the duffle bag in the trunk.

"What's that" Kenma pointed to the bag. "We don't know—" 

**HONK**

Kyouken got interrupted by Teru honking the horn. "Hurry up I want food" Teru stuck his head out of the window. Atsumu hopped into the trunk and Kyouken went back to the driver's seat. They were now on their way to Mr. bitch ass Yagami's house.

They finally arrived at his house and started to take out the toilet paper. "Everyone put their mask on and get a few rolls of toilet paper," Teru said. "Did we all have the same idea to use purge masks" Tsumu snorted. "They'll come in handy one-day" Kenma stated. "Okay, so who's doing what," Kyouken asked.

"You two should do the tress because your tall" Kenma pointed at Tsumu and Kyouken. "It's okay to admit you're small" Teru snickered. "I'm not small, you guys are just too tall" Kenma pouted. "It's not good to lie to yourself, honey" Teru shook his head. "Last one to finish their rolls has to pay for the whole meal!" Kyouken yelled. They all started running towards the house with toilet paper in their hands.

[QUE MONTAGE WITH THE SONG ANIMAL BY NEON TREES]

_Tsumu and Kyouken throwing toilet paper in the trees and bushes._

_Ken and Teru throwing toilet paper on the wall and the roof._

_Somehow Tsumu and Teru got a hold of spray paint and drew large dicks._

_Ken and Kyouken got some rotten eggs as well from god knows where._

_They somehow turned on the sprinklers and started dancing._

_They then fell on the ground laughing._

[END OF MONTAGE]

"Holy shit that was fun" Tsumu laughed. The others smiled in agreement. "So who was the last one," Teru asked. "Not me," they all said in unison. There was a beat of silence until they burst into laughter again.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY HOUSE" A voice yelled

The four boys head whipped around to see the stank rat Mr. Yagami. His face was fuming red and that mofo had a metal bat. The four boys quickly sat up and started running towards the car-truck thing. Right behind them was Mr. Yagami chasing them, and holy fuck nuggets that bitch was fast. Kyouken quickly hopped in the driver's seat while the other three hopped into the trunk. He started driving away from the shitfest that used to be a house.

A few minutes later after taking different turns to outrun Mr. Yagami, they reached Mcdonalds. And ordered their food.

* * *

* * *

* * *

BONUS: (a few days later after class)

"You four come here" Mr. Yagami pointed at the four vandals. Mr. Yagami pulled out a black notebook and a pen. "What are your full names," He asked.

* * *

* * *

* * *

an au where light still alive lmfao.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gomen for being gone for a few days 🙇
> 
> but i saw my dad today so that's good.


	18. Incorrect Blond Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some tweets I found on Pinterest, but as the blond boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a quick chapter since i got writer's block. on a chatfic. 😐
> 
> none of these are mine. im not that funny lmao.

**Incorrect ~~Haikyuu~~ Blond Boys 👍**

* * *

Customer: can i get a number 5 with coke

Kyouken: sorry we don't sell cocaine

Manager: *pulls him aside* why would you say that

Kyouken: *to customer* nevermind, we do sell cocaine

.

.

.

Tsukki in fourth grade: look under there

Friend: under where

Tsukki: you fool. you absolute moron. you are such a monumental idiot that you don't even realize what you just said. i am a verbal magician and you, my friend, are a naive simpleton. your family line deserves to die with you. (if someone said this to me i would swing at them)

.

.

.

[phone ringing]

Boss: why the hell arent you picking that up

Teru: i always answer on the third ring, it makes me seem cooler

Boss: PICK IT UP

Teru: [rolls his eyes] fine [picks up the phone] 911 whats your emergency

.

.

.

Nurse: how do you rate your pain

Kenma: zero stars

Nurse: ...

Kenma: would not recommend

.

.

.

[being kidnapped]

Kogane: i will need my toothbrush

Kidnapper: shut the fuck up

Kogane: i assume that means your providing a toothbrush

.

.

.

Murderer: *swings bat at him and misses*

Tsumu: strike one

Murderer: that's not how this works *swings bat*

Tsumu: strike two, one more and you're out

Murderer: [under breath] fuck

.

.

.

Kyouken: *smoking a dog treat like a cigarette* ya know in the scheme of things, houses are Tupperware and we are god's leftovers

His Therapist, visibly shaking: how did you get in my bathtub?

.

.

.

Murderer: run if you want to live

Tsukki: *starts sprinting*

Murderer: not like towards me tho

.

.

.

[first day as a pilot]

Control Tower: what are your coordinates

Teru: im by a cloud that looks like a lion

Control Tower: can you be more specific

Teru: simba

.

.

.

Boss: let's put this matter aside for the time being

Kenma: [looking around nevously] Can only you see the time being?

Boss: huh?

Kenma: is it standing near me?

Boss: who?

Kenma: [on the verge of a panic attack] The time being

.

.

.

Kogane: mark, my words...

Mark: *brings a dictionary*

Kogane: thank you mark 

.

.

.

Tsumu: well time to get started

Goblin Brain: it is isn't it? good on you for recognizing that

Tsumu: well thank you

Tsumu: *stays seated*

:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for once in my life, I have nothing to say. if you want a part two just tell me. don't be shy, im scared of you than you are of me.
> 
> *visibly confusion*  
> 
> 
> <3


End file.
